Brett Keisel's Beard, Take 2

During my absence, Brett Keisel shaved his iconic beard. It's okay since it was for charity, but Brett - never again. I'm serious.

Here is what he looks like sans-glory:

And with the beard as the world was meant to be:

I don't know why his beard isn't the biggest deal on the internet. It's pretty much the biggest deal in my life - I MEAN FUCKING LOOK AT THAT LUSH FACIAL HAIR.  I'm certain it feels like chinchilla fur.  

I think this is a good opportunity to diskuss the power of the beard. The above picture shows a regular guy. He looks like your brother's roommate. Nice, but nbd. But when you see him with a beard, he levels up to 11 and becomes über-football-sex-god. That is the power of the beard. Its the difference between being and not being pregnant. Because beards are the #1 cause of pregnancy - thats the fact, jack. 

But I'm klarly not the only one who feels this way - many people responded by photoshopping the famous beard onto other people/objects: Enjoy!

-bruiser

Happy Stache-Day!!!

Today, February 14th, is Hollywood's day of conception (21 years ago!). Some of you may also recognize it as "Valentine's Day." People shorten it to V-Day, but why bother? Just cut to the chase and call it VD, cause thats what half of you are going to get tonight. Apologies for the bleak turn, but here's the point: we're looking out for you. How should you lovely ladies and gents avoid VD this Hollywood's conception day? CELEBRATE YOUR LOVE FOR STACHES.

Just FYI, the 'St.' in 'St. Valentine' does not stand for 'Saint' like we have all learned. It stands for 'Stache' and therefore February 14th should be called Stache Day.

See? Check out how sexy cupid is with a stache:

No qualms. Who doesn't love a stache? And what stache doesn't need some good-ol' lovin' every now and then? Today, tell a stache that you love them. Send them a card, and a comb. A stache will never break-up with you, never forget his wallet, and NEVER try to cuddle with you against your flavor-saving will.

Just watch out for the others fawning over your stache of interest. Hey, don't blame the stache, its just irresistable.

Continuing our ponderance of the attraction of VD, wtf is up with Sweethearts? They taste like shit and say nothing romantic at all. It is perhaps, the creepiest way of telling someone you care. Stalking is more romantic.

So me and my money-making mind have come up with this gem of a product to show the stache of your dreams how you feel.

Sweetstaches? Sugarstache? The name is a work in progress, but its the general idea of a candy with a message on it, just Avagadro's number cooler. Which means its dope.

What mustached man doesn't want to receive these from his lady?!? I do and I don't even have one! (shhh, don't tell).

There are even candies especially for the egotistical stache! Slightly rude and rough around the edges, a mustache's greatest turn-on.

And for those shy mustaches that need encouragement, the complimentary stache! These lines will not let you down on Stache Day. Go ahead ladies and gents, send these gems to your favorite facial hair, you will thank me later.

So for all you romantics out there, here's a song to you and your love (which I hope to Stache Valentine is facial-haired in some way).

<3hollywood&bruiser