Nolte: From Studly to Creepy

Ignore my ignorance, but I don't really remember anything before 2002, so I never remembered Nick Nolte as either A) sane or B) attractive. 

Everytime I think about it, I still find it hard to believe he was ever attractive, since he has hobo smeared all over his face.  Let alone that he was People's Sexiest Man in 1992. Holy shit that means he's 69.  And due to the existence of Sean Connery, his age does not make it an excuse one bit.

Let us stop looking at the horror of your future and focus on his sexy, moustached past.

Sexy. As. Hell.  

Move over Brad Pitt [for the record, I have never thought Brad Pitt was sexy. at all. but I am speaking for the masses here].  This is the reason why I get so depressed - knowing the 70s are 40 years behind us! Back in the days when Nick Nolte knew what conditioner was,  not only did Nick Nolte look slammin', but every other Joe Schmoe looked just like this too.

As much as my mother begs to differ, the 70s were IDEAL and there will be 0 decades better than the 70s. And of course by the 70s I mean 1967-1977.  Flavor-savers and thick heads of hair abound!

Sometimes its better to die young and beautiful than old and stanky
-bruiser

Morrison: Sexy, Even in Death

I have been on such the Doors kick this week - thank god for youtube playlists!

Jim Morrison may have had the best voice in rock n' roll history - I haven't officially decided this yet, but he is definitely better than Robert Plant.  And the Doors were better than Zeppelin because they actually were about creating music and were completely original - now I love Zeppelin, but they were just trying to sell records and probably stole the largest number of songs in the history of forever. Bitches got away with violating that much intellectual property? I guess if it were me, I'd forgive Robert Plant too. But I don't forgive him for being old.

Jim was such an icon too - his style is enviable and so is his hair.  Although he has a really pretty face, I don't think he has any real sex appeal without his hair. Google it for yourself to see what I'm talking about - the hair made the man.  And it helps that he had the most perfect head of curls in the world (again, better than Robert Plant) - call them Adonis curls. Sexy as hell. Charlie Sheen can't beat that [whada douchebag].

And as I was taking google images to pound-town, I realized that James Roday is the reincarnation of Jim Morrison.  The similarity is insanely creepy.  It explains James's sexiness, and if he really was reincarnated, it explains why they both have bad attitudes.

And then there is Jim in a beard - such a fucking Stud. I personally think it's his best look, and because I believe in expressing your feelings via facial hair - his is screaming 'I don't give a fuck'.

And I often see many a man sporting a beard with short hair, which looks better than no beard, but I truly think many will find girls throwing themselves at them if they grew out their hair. Just an observation.

Too bad James Roday can't sing (as far as I'm aware)
-bruiser                                                                              source and source

No One Threatens Katharine Ross

According to a recent report from People, Katharine and Sam Elliott's daughter, Cleo, is insane and attacked her poor, beautiful mother.  I get the feeling this is the beginning of another 'elderly abuse' cases, although Katharine is far from old at 71.

Cleo 'verbally and emotionally' abused Katharine, while she was young and became more violent as she aged.  Now I'm not sure that this isn't some kind of Freudian shit going down, considering her father is in possession of the world's finest moustache, but where was the gun slinger to defend her?  Every woman needs to be protected against the crazies - there's always at least one.





I have three things to say about this picture:
1.) Cleo is a total slut. Only girls in playboy or under 11 can wear halter tops.
2.) The only thing Sam is missing from his outfit is his bolo tie.
3.) Katharine looks lovely in her 1960s-esque garb. Orange is delightful on her.



Cleo, I'd be more than happy to kick your ass any day of the week,
–bruiser

Why I Actually Love Brett Kiesel's Beard

Remember Brett Kiesel's beard and its epic awesomeness?  Pretend not to be surprised when I tell you that I don't love it for what it actually is - I'm not loving the beard for the beard's sake.

Take a good long look at this photo.

Want know what it reminds me of? (Read: what it should remind you of?)

My man Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Brett Kiesel is clearly a huge fan and using the man as a style inspiration.  Solid move, I do the same thing too.  Ian Anderson is a musical genius, which totally reads via his choice of garb.

Heavy Horses also happens to be my favorite Tull album - Kiesel is closer and closer to becoming my biffffle everyday!


This particular snapshot is quite tame for Anderson, who spent the first 10 years of his career in disco boots and wild, unkempt hair - an accessory to his crazy eyes:

Credit: Charlie Auringer

Not only does this man know how to write songs about absurd things while using proper grammar (something I haven't been able to achieve, klarly) because he's so educated&shit, he does it while rocking one of the largest beards known to rock n' roll (2nd to ZZ Top).  Febreeze fresh I dare say. His insane mane is glorious.  And to top it all off, he sports a flute.




He's a dreamboat.  I'm going to go out on a very secure and short limb here, and say that Ian Anderson is the source of hipsterism today.  And that actually makes hipsters a little bit more okay.  It makes complete sense that all the hipsters would be trying to get in on this action.

Credit: Rick Kahlmeyer

Here's one from Warchild/Minstrel era - hence the codpiece.  This man is the source of my envy of curls, considering I don't have a single sulfide-bond to call my own [sademoticon.com]. Note the sideburns, which are IDEAL.

And he is still the manliest man around while wearing leggings. Guys, take note. And no, you are not now permitted to wear leggings.


Heres hoping that another musician may one day profit off of songs written about homeless men, kinky girls and farming instead of fireflies.

-bruiser

Brian Wilson the Sea Captain

This just in from Lopez Tonight.  Brian Wilson is the jackass we all knew in highschool who pretended that he was better than everybody else (especially if you lived in Massachussetts at the time) but really just wanted acceptance by the cool kids.  Ignoring his pathetic adolescence that has led up to his pathetic (yet very high paying and successful - those things always seem to go hand in hand) adulthood, let's roll the clip cause it rates fairly on the hilarious scale!




Sea captain, eh?  It's actually a really great look and I'm totally digging it.  Brian Wilson, please don't go back to your Jersey Shore gettup.  Shit's just not kosher.

Speaking of seamen and epic beards (and daddy issues?), lets check out this completely serious advertisement for a Sea Captain dating website.  Oddly specific, but hey, if you're looking for a man with a boat, now you know where to look!



Ladies, if you are over all those fake guys at the bars just trying to get into your pants, date these socially defunkt old men who do not command yachts but still probably have some of their personality left, and definitely lots of their racism from the last time they were on dry land (aka the 1960s). [Visit seacaptaindate.com]

I expect invites to your weddings
-bruiser

Can't Handle The Handlebar!

Why does Nicole Kidman exist?

In all likelyhood, specifically to prevent me from enjoying the world's finest stache. Whada bitch!

Okay, so here's the story: I hate Nicole Kidman with a burning passion and will never watch anything with her in it. I hate her just as much as I hate Nicholas Cage, and we do nawt want to open up that can of worms. [EDIT: We are going to open that nasty-ass can of worms because he's totally in Ghostrider with Nicholas Cage! What an asshole! (Nicholas Cage I mean.) stupid nagger.]

So I spent months changing the channel to avoid looking at her emaciated-troll face whenever The Golden Compass trailer came on. Unfortunately for myself, I never came to realize that Sam Elliott's shining stache was the main feature, which, I'll have you know, swept the award shows for "Best Supporting Stache".

What handlebar beauty and perfection! This man has every desirable hair gene known to man. His eyebrows are *amazing*. And he has a full head of hair - What a feat! And the moustache: It has consistent color, symmetrical shape, incredible volume, upper-liplessness, and a salty-scruff. I can't do it justice. I'm in fucking awe right now.

I almost couldn't top that, but then I remembered this little morsel. He has a wife (duh) and she's sexy as hell.

Mr. Sam Elliott is married to Katharine Ross. I know her as my girlfriend, but many of you know her as Elaine Robinson from The Graduate or as Etta Place from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Actually, nothing makes me happier that they are together. Because a stache like that needs beauty like hers to match it, and she certainly deserves nothing less than a stache like that. Its fate.

And here they are together because they're so fucking cute.

Those two are actually what the 60s were all about. What was that? You say that the Beatles were? I'm not familiar. They sound like a bunch of A-holes anyway.

Here's one last look, upclose, at the mother of all staches:

You're Welcome.

-bruiser