An Ode to Summer

Dear Summer,

I loathe you. You make me sick. Literally, like heat stroke, ereday. You burn my skin and will one day make me look like an old man [not a silver fox...so sadd]. You make me sweat and you make other people sweat which is HIGHLY OFFENSIVE TO MY NOSTRILS. And you make me wear shorts which are the most unnatural and most uncomfortable invention in the world - never again with that stupid piece of shit. We could still be friends if nudism was socially acceptable but its not so were not and i hate you. My dog hates you too and he's only 7 years old.. I want to kick your bifffle, global warming, in the ballz. He's a dick. We can't be friends. I know you like me but I hate you you she-man I am moving to Canada and blocking you on facebook. . I don't care what your friends say you aren't my season not now, not never! I hate yoou! I hate your friends too!! Stop calling me!

I'm calling Fall to invite him over. At least he goes dutch. you bitch

Sincerely,

bruiser

High School: We ain't talking about crustaches

High school is the worst time of your life, second only to middle school. And if its not the second worst time of your life, then your current life sucks. My high school experience consisted of not trying hard (like I hate to do), getting straight A's (like I love to do), waiting for 500 idiots to grow up (patience is not one of my better qualities) and zero mustaches. And a lack of facial hair in general. And a lack of nice hair (well, except for me). So in summary, it sucked. No surprise there.

Then picture it. A sophomore in college, with all the facial hair you could ever want (and don't want) to see, ereday. Probably haven't thought about high school since I graduated and then I get thrown this doozie: two teachers from high school decide to have a moustache competition! I could die. Thats actually the only thing that can make my high school experience any worse - they held out on me for three (3) years! So rude!!!!

But I have to forgive them. Because in reality, those two mustaches are the most perfect things to come out of my high school since I peaced out of there two years ago.

Can you just imagine how much better high school would have been with those mustaches? You mean we have to go outside and play ultimate frisbee and its only 45 degrees out and it just rained? No problem. You want a report on the French Revolution? Its already done.

Students have tons of requirements. The PSSAs are "required". Attendance is "required". So facial hair should be required [note the lack of quotes] with only the facially-haired disabled excused. Imagine the facial hair face-offs that could ensue! It could be as awesome as this.

Finally, a shout-out to my homeboy, my 11th grade SS teacher. You and your moustache are dope. I highly recommend keeping it.

-bruiser