The Royal Wedding Moustache

Everyone and their mother (especially their mother) watched the royal wedding today.  And although dull as weddings go (I find all weddings to be dull; I'm positive that both bride and groom also feel this way because if you watched them, you'd think they were serving detention at how inattentive they are during the ceremony). We all know that the best part is the reception because its post-pictures and the food (and drinks!) are delicious.

During the pre-ceremony, I spied a delightful man who I believe was a member of the royal family as he was wearing some military attire.  Although I did not get a picture then, I did find one of him from afar (and I will be adding the closeup once the broadcast reloops).

What you see here my friends is a sixth of the best moustache within all of Westminster Abbey today, guaranteed. Click on the picture to see it bigger.

I also didn't register this toothbrush stache the first time - what a find!

And I didn't realize people still wore those - I guess the 'too soon' period is now over for WWII.

And this was the stache I expected to be on every man's face in attendance over 60.  England, why you no like moustaches?

At first I hated the halloween parade all of the invitees thought they were invited to, but now I'm diggin' it.  It was pretty awesome to see every woman looking like a complete dump, and all of the men looking dapper with their tie pins and 6 shades of complementary colors.  And by every woman, I mean all of them except the Middleton family - mother and daughters looked amazing. So much class...and no one told me her mother was Angelica Huston. She's uhmazing!  And she had the sexiest suit/dress/ensemble.

Mrs. Middleton-382, Everyone else-0.
-bruiser

The New, Improved Chin-Strap

Call this another triumph for Black People, and perfect for Black People Month,

 Jacob Pullen has given new life to the chin-strap.  No longer skinny, but still perfectly crusty, Pullen's beard has a wild following at Kansas State. Fake chin-strap/beard hybrids abound, I'll jump on the bandwagon seeing as this one is going to go much further than the anchor stache or the hitler stache.

If you look closely, it is simply a beard, sans moustache and soul patch. Aka an untrimmed chin-strap.  And white people have gotten a bad rap for chin straps for years (rightfully so! idyots.)



But good for him for making it work, as evidenced, these novel facial hair styles aren't always fruitful.  Considering the recent success of teams with beards, I'd count on Jacob Pullen leading Kansas into March Madness. I'm telling you now, beards are less smelly and more humane lucky-rabbits foots.


People, stop wasting perfectly good salt over your shoulder, and grow a damn beard.
-bruiser

Hungry for Mutton Chops?

Oh hot damn. Who ever thought that anyone outside of a Jane Austin film could look good rocking mutton chops? Well the guy who I walked by every day last year couldn't, but one of the greatest presidents certainly has:

Theodore Roosevelt circa 1880 in his Harvard days.  Here is evidence that once upon a time not every guy who came out of Harvard looked like Mark Zuckerberg.  Oh, the days before scholarships and free-rides!  Harvard, you have really backpedaled. But seriously, he must have driven the feminists WILD back in the day. And we all know that his story doesn't end with mutton chops!

That moustache! It's like 1/2 of Sam Elliott's stache, but far superior to most moustaches.  You know when he made a metaphor about 'carrying a big stick' he really meant 'wear an awesome moustache'.  Why do you think Hitler had one? Persuasive? That's an understatement.

-bruiser

Image courtesy of The Frisky and http://bit.ly/eOnJnA

Awkward Phillies Player #2: Roy Halladay

Would you believe the coincidences that are my life?
Roy Halladay, the semi-beard that I intended on diskussing today happens to have had his 2nd no hitter this year. I mean, all I wanted to say was that his scruff is really nice, but he happens to look good without it too.

And truthfully, this is even less of a coincidence than Finn's grilled cheesus this week on Glee. Except that grilled cheeseus answered my havarti prayers and convinced Ville Leino to grow back his playoff beard - its been only 2 weeks since I saw him on the news sans beard. How freaky is that?

But back to Roy Halladay. Way to tell the rest of the league to cram it by showing them all up with a no-hitter in game 1. That's the kind of confidence I like to see.

...And here are those awkward photos I promised. Just to make sure all you Phillies phans know he's human and does take awkward photos when forced. So you can stop praying to your Halladay jerseys now.


I guess now would be the appropriate time to say the following: That's really nice scruff you've got growing on there, and I'd call it 1/2 a beard officially. The length is Ideal. I mean, the saturation does wonders for it here. But I personally like Roy sans-beard because it makes him unique looking and the scruff just hides that.

And that's coming from a girl whose latino mami called her 'exotic looking'. No one has ever appreciated their german schnaze more (except Hitler! BADUM-TISH).

I sincerely apologize for the anti-semitic nature of my tasteless jokes. Shit's not kosher.



With that said, I probably can squeeze out one more remark about these stupid pictures.

Ummm.......DON'T MESS IT UP.

That's all I got. Sorry.

-bruiser

This Is News

So I'm not a fan of the news...the media blows things out of proportion and causes stress to everyone who watches it. Plus none of it is ever relevant or remotely exciting. I have better things to do with my time. So apparently everyone else in the world knows about the Koran burning sensation thats jiving the nation. Except me. Now I know, from my love of viral videos. And the fact that this kid I met on a walk was talking about the 'guy with the awesome mustache burning the Koran'. And apparently that man is Terry Jones.

This dude was preachin' the truth: Terry Jones does have an awesome mustache. Fact.

There is just so much going on here. First the excellent salty handlebar mustache. Then the facial hair parenthesis he's got going on. Next, he probably needs to cut his hair more neatly before going to media events. Otherwise, excellent aging on his part. It shows experience, but not a whole lot of tanning in his hayday. Which is probably just from botox.

Not only do I have better things to do than watch/read the news, I also don't have time to check facts that I might have skimmed over while looking for pics. So appurantly this guy did nawt go through with the Koran burning like he does every year because of the spectacle he turned it into. Naturally this is all due to his 'stache. Any high-quality mustache is enough to make people offend both race and religion (see: Adolf Hitler).

So this shit caught on like a good-sized religious book fire. And every one was under the spell of the stache. Except for this guy in Texas. He cannot fall under the spell of a good mustache because hes a hipster and thats ironic.

Jacob Isom rescued the Koran from an unholy toasting grabbing it from a bbq. Nice. Since hipster mustaches don't count, we can't really discuss it, but he does have a rattail. Which makes me want to give him a high-five. Way to look like an idiot and ruin a protest. Isom is the greatest hipster alive.

-bruiser

Facial Hair Friday

Facial Hair Friday has returned!!! Perhaps to your pleasure or your dismay, but I don't know since you haven't expressed any feelings about Facial Hair Friday Pilot Post. Take 2!

[And I might have changed the rules to 100 words or less since this post works out to be 100 words exactly. And yes its just because I am very passionate about said subject. And yes I might change the rules again.]

MJ's new Hanes commercial!

MJ is an innovator. First, Air Jordans, then rebranding Coca-Cola. Now he's inventing new facial hair and has failed. Horribly. WTF man? I get that some people dig the soul-patch, for reasons which are beyond my comprehension, but really? Really MJ? Were you going for the symmetrical soul-patch or for the Hitler-crustache? 'Cause you got them both down and have therefore failed doubly. Fail^2. I think it's safe to say Hitler is horrified because you managed to make it completely uneven, and you're only working with 1 inch of facial hair! Hell-no!!!

Just stop it.

-bruiser