Sorority girl rant on head-straps

Some things I will never understand.

Example A: what is the motivation to grow a full head-strap?

Some men still think it is acceptable to grow a chin-strap (here's a clue: it's not). And some of those fools think its okay to grow a strap all around your head so it looks like your breaching your mom's bushy vagina. THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY.

SINNERS! you all need Jesus.

THE FUCK is wrong with you? There have been bad staches, and there have been failstaches here, but there are NONE worse than this. NONE MANY.

And its not just the tool above who thought this was a good idea: 

(side note: the fact that this douche missed the chin-strap concept is HILARIOUS. Distachter x1000)

I get it, some people miss their elementary arts classes and just need to express themselves. Believe me, I GET IT. Cornrows are a great tool to experiment with. Moustaches make excellent canvases for masculine creativity. But CONNECTING YOUR FUCKING NECK HAIR TO YOUR RECEEDING HAIRLINE IS NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME OR THE MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN PLACE TO BE "CREATIVE". SHIT'S NOT MOTHERFUCKING KOSHER, SO DON'T FUCKING DO IT. JACKASS.  


If you have one of these (as inspired by my favorite sorority girl Rebecca Martinson) let me ask you to punch yourself in the face right now so I don't have to fucking find you to do it myself.


That's enough of the internet for today.
-bruiser

Art Is Greater Than (Or Equal To) Dead Bunnies

So not sure if you all noticed or not, but I'm really not into the 'lets draw moustaches on sidewalks/shape post-it notes/hang them on your wall' kind of person.  It really loses the magic of the moustache, because all you get is a shape, and you lose the 3D 4Dness of it which is so special. [2D = shape; 3D = moustache; 4D = moustache & gentleman. get it now kids?]

But here is something I can get into: art on moustaches.
Ohhhs. Ahhhs. the concept is mind-blowing!!!!







Thank god someone is thinking outside the copy-and-paste button. Instead of reprinting the same black silhouette as fast as rabbits fucking, lets put time and effort into it, approximately the same amount of time it takes to roast said rabbits to delicious perfection?

For every blind copy of a moustache I see, I swear I will kill a bunny with my car.
-bruiser

source and source

Miley Cyrus and Jimmy Kimmel Bore Me to Tears

So last night Miley Cyrus was on Jimmy Kimmel. Big whoop. Shes going to be hosting SNL tomorrow night anyway, so I suggest we all shoot ourselves (no, not really. And I am going to watch SNL because the Strokes are performing - doooppe!).

I have to say it: I have never, ever found Jimmy Kimmel to be funny.  He is your coworker who you avoid contact with because he just tries way too hard, and although you pity the guy, you can't be around him out of fear of laughing (and not with him mind you).

So I shouldn't be surprised when they do a half-assed job at giving Miley a fake moustache.  I don't even think its made of any kind of fiber whatsoever - it might be a sticker? Or maybe its painted.
Either way its a piece of shit.

And I have no idea what the fuck shes promoting.  I mean she might have another disney movie out. Or she might be talking about how much she hates her dad. Or she might be releasing a new album, I seriously have no clue. Its more likely that the mourning period of her reputation is over, and now shes trying to patch it up with moustaches. Clever Miley, but no.

Miley_Cyrus#Failstache
-bruiser

(source)

Another Distacheter!

It has been far too long since this blog has seen a truly bad stache. Presenting (drumroll puhleaze) Anthony Kiedis!

Now this man is the king of current music, being the front man of RHCP and all. That band understands music and boy, do they have musical skillz!

RHCP always have fresh and funky beats, but AK's stache is only stale and funky (in a bad way). Not only is it very uneven and patchy, it simply lacks any real style. A normal mustache + skinny handlebar = distacheter.

Over time Sir Psycho Sexy has clearly learned a few rules of maintaining star-quality facial hair. Here he is recently at the Lakers vs Celtics game with his boys Flea and Chad (not pictured).

Now thats a stache we can all live with. Full of body and symmetrical, it reminds me quite a bit of Johnny Depp's stache which looks GOOD. It's also a little Power-Stache which can't hurt. And an AK/Johnny Depp combo is sexy as hell.

Now I wish I could promise that the bad stache is gone for good, but unfortunately I can't. AK is never content and is willing to do nearly anything to his amazing indian (feather) hair which, as we all know here at Power-Stache is sinful but I can't do too much about it besides publicly chastise him.

Here's hoping that we never have to see him here again.

-bruiser