Simpsons Tribute: Randy Johnson

I love all things Simpsons....well, except the movie because the only funny part about it was 'spider-pig'.  And I especially love it when they pay tribute to moustaches.  Randy Johnson received this great honor a while ago, but still a shining moment for America's favorite family [that depends on who you ask of course. [Stupid Family Guy].


I am always surprised that the only character with a moustache is Ned Flanders. The only one if you don't count Luigi, but who remembers him? Eventhough I am not a huge fan of Bible-toters, I still want Ned to be my neighbor. Better than Homer, considering he's an insurance liability.

And Lisa (always adorable yet painfully annoying) also rocked a flavor-savor in Randy's honor. I don't remember why she shanked the book, but to her it's blasphemous - good moustaches bring out the badass in everyone. I also never understood her unending desire to wear a tube-top dress. 

Screams slut to me.

Anyone remember other moustache rocking cameos?
-bruiser

Miley Cyrus and Jimmy Kimmel Bore Me to Tears

So last night Miley Cyrus was on Jimmy Kimmel. Big whoop. Shes going to be hosting SNL tomorrow night anyway, so I suggest we all shoot ourselves (no, not really. And I am going to watch SNL because the Strokes are performing - doooppe!).

I have to say it: I have never, ever found Jimmy Kimmel to be funny.  He is your coworker who you avoid contact with because he just tries way too hard, and although you pity the guy, you can't be around him out of fear of laughing (and not with him mind you).

So I shouldn't be surprised when they do a half-assed job at giving Miley a fake moustache.  I don't even think its made of any kind of fiber whatsoever - it might be a sticker? Or maybe its painted.
Either way its a piece of shit.

And I have no idea what the fuck shes promoting.  I mean she might have another disney movie out. Or she might be talking about how much she hates her dad. Or she might be releasing a new album, I seriously have no clue. Its more likely that the mourning period of her reputation is over, and now shes trying to patch it up with moustaches. Clever Miley, but no.

Miley_Cyrus#Failstache
-bruiser

(source)

It's All in the Family!

So remember Deputy Wiegel (played by Kerri Kenney)? Not only does she have a mustache that needs bleachin', but her father also had quite the moustache!

Check it:

Larry Kenney was the bangin' game show host of 'Bowling for Dollars' in the 70s. I really like the slicked-bowl-cut he went for. It really brings out the lack of angles in his mustache. And he looks just as much like Kerri as he does Thomas Lennon (aka Lieutenant Dangle).

It's really awfully weird if you ask me. I mean, god bless them and their moustaches, but a little too incestuous if you ask me. Because incest is only okay in small doses.

-bruiser

Mustache Modeling

There is a real lack of facial-haired models and that saddens me. Thank gawd the Sartorialist understands our plight.

Whatever Italyian designer this is is clearly progressive and I like it. Normal designers pick clean-shaven boys so you aren't distracted by their faces and only look at their clothes. Now this designer understands women and when women (I should specify - straight women and gay men) buy expensive faux-outdoors-wear for their boyfriends, they are going to buy from the lines that advertise Manliness [capitalized because I'm prettysure its a religion. Or an art movement].

And we all know models are not manly since you can see the estrogen on their faces. But in theory, they probably have some testosterone left if they are able to grow facial hair. And at this point, 'probably' is good enough for us. Unlike Valvoline, where 'probably' doesn't cut it. And I hope that the dude in this commercial never cuts his dreads:

-bruiser

'Not Without My Mustache'

Season 2 Episode 7 of Reno 911!

Clearly, as the title anticipates, some really important dialogue occurs concerning the fine moustaches of Reno's men in uniform.



First of all, Who the FUCK do they think they are, taking away their moustaches? More importantly, imagine Deputy Junior as a baby with a stache. I think it would look something like this:



And Wiegel has a stache but I think we all knew that.

Who can perform their duties moustacheless? Were I blessed with a lush lip-warmer, I certainly couldn't. And I believe the verb 'aid' is perfectly acceptable to use concerning moustaches.
Finally, Larrie, wtf is wrong with looking like gigolos? seriously? anyone?

This little piece analyzes the value of the moustache, in nearly as much detail as a term paper on Shakespeare. Its as deep as it is lush. And you might be graced with Lieutenant Dangle's stache at an Arby's. No Way? Way.

-bruiser