Sport Stache Sundays

So I didn't write a Facial Hair Friday. Whoops. But it's all good cause I was doing important things like eating steak. And maybe some research. I was at Mike Ditka's restaurant infact. True story.

Nice cartoon stache Ditka.

Really Important Segway - Sport's Stache Sundays!

So I totally ate at a football coach's restaurant on Friday and therefore should start writing about the plethora of sports staches on the Sabbath.

I said it was an important segway - not a particularly good segway. But there it is.

....So let's discuss Ditka's stache, shall we?

I love this picture. I chose it because he totally looks like he is trying to sell you a single family home in an area with decent public schools at best. He sends you magnets every year with his face on it and Christmas cards reading 'Mike Ditka wishes you and your family a joyous and safe holiday' When he really means he wants you to call him come April to sell your house. What a large relator he would be!

But we all know this picture is for some annual picture-day with the Bears. Yet it still looks eerily similar to my senior picture. It is quite possible that the photographer lied about his professional experiences and was truly a high school photographer:

Sit on the stool and put your feet on the x's. Place you left hand on your knee and your right hand on your left elbow. Tilt your head *just* so....This is looking really good. Now hold still and imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny seahorses....I think that one is going to come out really nice. Movie quote digression [lolz].

What do you think of his stache? or his hair? I think it is a very specific type of mustache and hair. It is a coach's stache. With Nice Hair. I'm kindof afraid I will wake up and his mustache will be here waiting to chastise me for mocking him. I'm not sure if there is another way to categorize it. It's a Sports Stache.

-bruiser

'Probably' Is Good Enough For Castrol Oil

So in writing this weeks Facial Hair Friday post, I came across this commercial and I couldn't resist adding my personal commentary. I mean, this commercial was made for this blog. Probably [see what I did there?].

View 0:00 - Check out that stache! I will forever associate Castrol Edge with decent average staches and full heads of hair.

View 0:03 - Enter slap-happy Scotsman with a fake beard. Ginger.

View 0:12 - Balding bowler [who hangs out with pattern-baldness nerd and black dude with normal hair and beard? what?]

View 0:15 - Average commercial Joe wearing plaid and scruff. This is why everyone hates America.

For future reference, I really ought to call lame facially-haired men who think with their dipsticks 'Jimmy'.

-bruiser

Mustache Modeling

There is a real lack of facial-haired models and that saddens me. Thank gawd the Sartorialist understands our plight.

Whatever Italyian designer this is is clearly progressive and I like it. Normal designers pick clean-shaven boys so you aren't distracted by their faces and only look at their clothes. Now this designer understands women and when women (I should specify - straight women and gay men) buy expensive faux-outdoors-wear for their boyfriends, they are going to buy from the lines that advertise Manliness [capitalized because I'm prettysure its a religion. Or an art movement].

And we all know models are not manly since you can see the estrogen on their faces. But in theory, they probably have some testosterone left if they are able to grow facial hair. And at this point, 'probably' is good enough for us. Unlike Valvoline, where 'probably' doesn't cut it. And I hope that the dude in this commercial never cuts his dreads:

-bruiser

If you give a mouse a mustache...

...You really ought to name him Algernon!

Therefore we have done both here at Power-Stache. Meet Algernon, our new Power-Stache mascot and cyber-pet!

Algernon means 'wearing a mustache' in old French. And naturally, the only Algernon most of us know is a mouse from the book Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. What a loyal little guy! And since he had that treatment in the book, it means he's really educated&shit [we will ignore the ending where he digresses]. Keep a look out for this little guy in the right column of the blog. Don't let him get lonely! And make sure he keep's up with styling his mousetache, [see what I did there?] as he can be lazy at times.

-bruiser

PS- thanks to both my sisters with their help with this post!

Facial Hair Friday

So I came across this fine lookin' picture a while ago but didn't realize who the Orleans were until I started writing this post. They sing that awful song 'Still the One' [which I secretly hoped was the same one by Lee Ann Rhymes Shania Twain]. This is the kind of music that makes you avoid going to CVS. Okay, maybe I am the only one here that lets music dictate my shopping choices. But I have standards. And Fleetwood Mac is nawt one of them. Phil Collins, however, is. I'm digressing.

So I know nothing about the Orleans, let alone that they were even a band and not, infact, called New Orleans although that makes way more sense. So lets guess the instrument based on hair shall we? From left to right: drummer, bassist, vocalist, guitarist. Now the bassist and guitarist are kindof a tie cause they both have the über-nerd look going for them. And I'm wrong. No surprise there. From left to right: vocalist, bassist, drummer, and guitarist. Well we can all rest easy knowing the sterotypes for bassists still hold true [aka the weird ones of the group. Prime example: Flea of RHCP. I rest my case].

Adduchionally, this picture is like a 70s time capsule. The drummer's feathered hair and the guitarist's 'shroom cut are ideal. And can you tell that the two on the left are brothers? It's not every day you see identical rippled-perms. pluss there is no lack of facial hair. Even better than that is the wood paneling behind them. Nothing more soothing than extending flooring to eye level. Except for feathered hair, maybe. Looks soft.

-bruiser