Locks of Love

Scott Hartnell donated his perfect curls last week to Locks of Love. Some kid is going to be extremely lucky to be the recipient of such hair. That isn't any old hair - it has dozens of hockey games and minor injuries to its name. Just think of all the sweat and blood that that head of hair has seen. Again, lucky kid.

My sisters and I have all donated to Locks of Love before, it something that anyone with lengthy hair should do at some point in their lifetime. In a few years (after I've had enough therapy to prevent separation anxiety) I would also like to do it again. Locks of Love better hope Cher doesn't contact me first.

-bruiser


A man that grows a Mo steps up, shines and leads with confidence and style.

MovemberMovemberMovember

It's that time of year. October is unfortunately over, but good news! November Movember is here!

In case you don't know what Movember is all about, men grow moustaches simply to raise awareness for men's health issues. It's like wearing those stupid drug-free ribbons from school, but on your face. Which means its way cooler.

Naturally, this only draws attention if one doesn't normally sport a mustache. However, if one frequents a moustache outside of Movember, its a good idear to sport a different style of moustache (if you need idears, click here).

You may have noticed the Movember picture on the right. Click on it to be directed to Power-Stache's Movember page and donate.

So prepare yourselves, Mo Bros and Mo Sistas! This Movember is gonna be hella fly!

-bruiser

A man that grows a Mo is a natural born leader.

More Evidence that Staches are Muses

Almost as notorious as his Red Hot Chili Pepper counterpart, Anthony Kiedis, for his radical variety of hairstyles, John Frusciante is also not a stranger to the moustache. The thing I've noticed personally about JF's style is that it's a constant cycle - one day he shaves his head, and then he grows it out for a few years until he shaves it again. And my favorite part about all this is that he looks amazing with both buzzed and long hair - and we all know how I feel about long hair. You have to be a special person to pull of a shaved head - or have a genetically-superior shaped head.

Not only is his head superior [and his guitar playing skillz], but his hair growing skillz are also quite exceptional. The man has Nice Hair. Hair so nice I'd consider it greater than my own. I know, it's that good.

                                                                          Here is John at Woodstock.   

Thank GAHD he brought back the mow-hawk (faux-hawk?) - it's been far too long.

At this particular time, JF contemplated growing a moustache. Unfortunately for everyone alive, he happened to ask someone who was not a fan of the stache (blasphemy!) and we poor souls were denied more than his usual scruff (upon further examination, I'd declare it a psuedo-stache. It's really as close as scruff can get).

Maybe it's for the best that the mustache was killed at woodstock - the number of adolescent hipsters exposed to such quality facial hair could have caused an earlier outbreak of hipsterism. And there is nothing ironic about                                                                             that.

Be honest, have you ever seen a cuter pair of bifffles in your life?

In case anyone has ever wondered why By the Way is the best RHCP album, look no further than this particular photo. That moustache is the fur that forged 1000 riffs. Or something like that. As I've said before, moustaches foster creativity and are highly-correlated with great art, THUS the superiority of that album is due to the catalyst known as that good-lookin' stache. And by good-lookin' I mean great, highly attractive, sexy, or if you are not american, smashing and/or brilliant.

But I am sad. Sad because this is the only photo I've ever seen of the endangered Frusciante stache. Where did it go? If it still exists, what threats are to it presently? What about future threats, such as razor blades and lack of proper trimming? What can be done to ensure it persists into the next generation? If anyone has seen the elusive stache, please comment with a link to the evidence!

And here is a more current photo. If for some reason you aren't obsessively watching his every move, here's the lowdown - he quit RHCP to pursue his other musical interests - artistic or otherwise. And the reason why JF is my favorite musician is because he truly considers music to be an art and takes it very seriously. His best work is closely associated to this 'creating art' idea.

And you can see that he has been extremely creative because of the length of his beard. He looks like 'Father Art' to me. I can feel the groovy vibes radiating from it. I just hope that this is nearing the end of his hair-growth cycle. Everyone can appreciate a freshly shaved John.

Enthusiastically awaiting new facial hair/hair cut/album
-bruiser

Phinal Awkward Players

The Phils are done for the season. So now its time to briefly summarize the rest of the noteworthy facial hairs of the team.

Some of you may have noticed a few soul-patches out there. Obviously this is very unsophisticated facial hair - that goes without saying. What I did want to point out to you was this strange similarity:

 Chase Utley is the spawn of Brad Lidge + Raul Ibanez. That is all.

Remember that song - Pants on the Ground? Thats what Ryan Howard reminds me of. Fix your damn hat, son.

I actually like Shane Victorino's chin fur. Not in general practice since moustaches are far superior, but I think it suits him well. And sometimes thats the most important thing.

And Jimmy Rollins - the precision - the man understands detail. And where detail is important. And detail is ALWAYS important on one's face.

So bravo! You by far have the best facial hair on the Phils - not the hardest competition to win, but it should still be worth something. Like a sticker. Or the satisfaction that you don't look like a multi-million dollar fool.





-bruiser

Curry's Cleric-Stache

I don't know if I've mentioned before that I have a few "obsessions". And by 'a few' I naturally mean over 100. And probably about half of these are what I call "boyfriends". Don't ask me to explain it, but I do really have 50 boyfriends and none of them (I hope!) know about it....which explains why I just don't have time for a real boyfriend.

One of those "boyfriends" is the charming Tim Curry. What a guy! Not to mention his acting skillz. Or his multiple moustaches. Exhibit A:

Who else can act opposite Charlie Sheen (everyone) and Kiefer Sutherland (no one, hint, another boyfriend) and whatshisface (who cares). The man is trying to single-handedly take over the French empire and almost succeeds (it's okay, Kiefer makes a really awesome musketeer).

What I love about his cleric-stache is the precision it has. And perfect symmetry just scratches the surface. The salt&pepper goatee, the unusual proportion of moustache:chin hair, the oiled curls, and the Vatican lapels. Sexy as hell.

And the thing about Curry's moustaches is that he doesn't need them, they are more of an accessory. You know he has a boudoir in his walk-in closet where he keeps his various moustaches and beards under lock and key. It's similar to Cher's wig closet. Or Davy Jones's locker.

-bruiser

Awkward Phillies Player #3: Jayson Werth

So the Phillies are among the final four teams right now. And that's cool. I mean, they kindof deserve it with the best record in the league and all. Even though they did fuck up real bad for like 2.5 straight months, they appurantly rocked the rest of the season. So we will continue with the awkward players series.

Everyone loves themselves some Jayson Werth Beardage. And Hairage...Said the liar.

This picture is actually a really nice one of Werth. Like I'd probably frame that shit if I were his mom. And hang it right next to his first little-league team photo.

But I have to warn you - although the weirdo photographer who took these team photos seemed to really be able to capture the worst side of everyone's face, he accidently did a good jorb here. 

This, unfortunately, is something Werth realized. Not to be outdone by any of his fellow teammates, Werth brought the awkardness upon himself. View the awkwardness:

Seriously Werth? I know that holding the sign is obligatory or something, in case they forget who you are, but did you really have to hold the sign up to your chin? Are you trying to measure the growth of your beard? Cause I'm pretty sure it's growing just fine on its own. Just a guess.

With that being said - Werth probably has the best beard in baseball. Truthfully, they are a rare sight to see on bat-wielding men, but of the few, Werth's definitely stands out. Here it's probably due to the billy-goat-tip he is trying to develop, but in general, it's due to the visionary trip people experience while he runs the bases. Like on the scale of Bo Derek.

And although he is having a similar religious experience to Halladay and Madson, I like this shot because you can see his curls unlike in the last two shots. And curly hair is pretty lovely, like I'm obsessed with it due to the natural lack of disulfide bonds in my own locks, but the grass is always greener, right?

I've also been told that he's my boyfriend Ville Leino's doppelganger. I can kind of see the similarity, and he probably is the best doppelganger out there, but I don't think they're that similar. What do you think?


-bruiser

That's A Dope Stache You Have There

Eric Clapton is obsessed with mustaches. And its cool 'cause I'm obsessed with Eric Clapton.

It's in the way that you use it. 

He looks GOOD. I mean back in the day. And today too. He's pretty much a 60 year old dreamboat. Hes aged really well for being a victim of the 60s.

But this album cover! Looks a little like Jesus to me. Which is simply due to the long hair/beard combination christians have propagated for eternity. Either way, his hair is GORGE. I want to pet it. And thats a long-lookin' stache. It's actually pretty serious. Can you imagine witnessing the blues come out of that thing in its prime? I mean, I would actually have fainted, but in theory, its a nice thing to imagine staying conscious to see.
It is difficult to discern (what a large word!) where his hair ends and his beard begins. Which is awesome and should be patented to fat women with high levels of testosterone. Instant face thinning and an attractive beard? Bonus!


When he was with Cream, they smoked a lot of who-knows-what and wrote a song called SWLABR. Now kids, if you think anything on this blog is remotely messed up, try writing a song that's title is an acronym. I think it's weird, but technically it's probably dope. (It stands for 'She Walks Like A Bearded Rainbow' btws).

And in SWLABR, Cream refers to a girl (clearly a heartbreaker) who APPURANTLY was a fake. BIG F-ING SURPRISE THERE. Wow. Thats so rare! A girl who turned out to be a liar. Because I've never heard that one before.
So anyway, they say that shes like a picture with a mustache or a rainbow with a beard or something. Which makes sense. If she wore a mustache/beard, it means that shes super-attractive on the outside but just a stupid double rainbow painting on the inside. And no one wants that. Cause who knows what it means anyway?

Hey Clapton, we all know that Flavor-Saver is saving more than that burrito. That's clever.

-bruiser

Awkward Phillies Player #2: Roy Halladay

Would you believe the coincidences that are my life?
Roy Halladay, the semi-beard that I intended on diskussing today happens to have had his 2nd no hitter this year. I mean, all I wanted to say was that his scruff is really nice, but he happens to look good without it too.

And truthfully, this is even less of a coincidence than Finn's grilled cheesus this week on Glee. Except that grilled cheeseus answered my havarti prayers and convinced Ville Leino to grow back his playoff beard - its been only 2 weeks since I saw him on the news sans beard. How freaky is that?

But back to Roy Halladay. Way to tell the rest of the league to cram it by showing them all up with a no-hitter in game 1. That's the kind of confidence I like to see.

...And here are those awkward photos I promised. Just to make sure all you Phillies phans know he's human and does take awkward photos when forced. So you can stop praying to your Halladay jerseys now.


I guess now would be the appropriate time to say the following: That's really nice scruff you've got growing on there, and I'd call it 1/2 a beard officially. The length is Ideal. I mean, the saturation does wonders for it here. But I personally like Roy sans-beard because it makes him unique looking and the scruff just hides that.

And that's coming from a girl whose latino mami called her 'exotic looking'. No one has ever appreciated their german schnaze more (except Hitler! BADUM-TISH).

I sincerely apologize for the anti-semitic nature of my tasteless jokes. Shit's not kosher.



With that said, I probably can squeeze out one more remark about these stupid pictures.

Ummm.......DON'T MESS IT UP.

That's all I got. Sorry.

-bruiser

Jakey Gyllenhaal

So Jake Gyllenhaal REALLY likes his facial hair. A lot. And by that I mean that I can't name any other movie besides Donnie Darko in which he is not sporting facial hair. Bubble boy?

And thank Gawd for his love of facial hair. 'Cause Power-Stache loves him (and by Power-Stache I mean me. It's a personal preference).

I'm not going to beat you with in-depth analysis of Gyllenhaal beards and staches...today. I'll just update you on his current stateus.

View the hair - who is this man's stylist? Antoine Dodson? 'Cause that shit looks Noicce!!! That hair is Angel-Soft. Whereas the beard is Brawny strong (clearly.) Everyone is nagging on him for being a lumberjack. Does anyone even know what a lumberjack looks like? 1 - the wear plaid. So he's clearly not a lumberjack. 2 - they have hair thats straight-up gnasty. 3 - they don't know what conditioner is. Jake is not a lumberjack.

I think the beard makes him looks cuddly [I'm not the only person who thinks in this manner - someone in my writing class evaluated my professor and commented that his beard made him seem 'nice'.] Cuddly like Corduroy. I mean, the man clearly isn't exerting his dominance over anyone. So trying to reel in the ladies with his masculine beard is probably the best answer. They love his green overalls.

Dear Jake - here is formal notice that your hair and I are in a relationship. It's as close as I can get to 'facebook official'.

-bruiser

Awkward Phillies Player #1: Ryan Madson

So this morning I hit the Sports Stache picture jackpot. Not only are they of fantastic quality, they are also some of the most awkward professional pictures you have ever seen. Presenting Phillies Stache Sundays sprinkled with a little bit of awkwardness! You can view the whole gallery here, if you want to ruin the fun of unveiling a new photo each week. So don't do it. I just feel obligated to post a link.

So why phillies? For multiple weeks? Well, appurantly theyre in first place, which is undoubtably nawt a surprise to my family, and I still don't really care. Its just so boring! But theses photos are so far from boring, hence the series of posts.

Awkward Player #1: Ryan Madson

 In order to truly capture the awkwardness, view photo #1 and photo #2 together.  Look at how distracted he is while posing in a false pitching stance. He looks like he's making goggly-eyes at some girl with big chachis in the stands next to home base. Or witnessing an alien abduction. This picture screams less 'professional baseball pitcher' and more 'adult halloween costume'.

Look at photo #2. This one looks like he is having a religious experience. Madson - don't you realize that connecting with the big man upstairs on a baseball field is so cliché? I mean, its been done. Circa 1994.

You may also note the digital colorization of these pics. I honestly think that really puts the awkwardness over the top. The black back-drop and the bright lighting screams broadway-production, no? And then the color is completely washed away in the head shot. Nice. Not only is he the star of a hit musical, he also looks like a malnourished villager that has been photographed by National Geographic.

I will say that the saturation really brings out his scruff. Looks Good. And excellent use of product placement. Nike will be proud.

-bruiser

Sexy Bears with Beards and Staches

I am so in love with Blogger's 'Stats' page they added recently. It tracks all of your blog traffic and gives you general information about your readers. It's far less stalkerish than I usually like to be, but it actually shows that more people love Power-Stache than my other stalker websites. And I have some serious stalker-skillz. I can find anyone on Facebook as long as I have two pieces of information about them. Impressive, right? I'm a weird creeper, cause I actually don't give two shits about anything that a Facebook page divulges other than a full name usually. In truth, its more for academic purposes - getting email addresses for group work and such. I know, lame right? My nerdiness and sense of responsibility will be my downfalls, I'm sure of it.

Now that I may or may have not sufficiently convinced you all that my Facebook creeping is innocent in nature, we can get back to the topic at hand - blogger stalking. It really just feeds my narcism. That and my family usually. If your family doesn't tell you how awesome you are all the time, get a new one. And if your family doesn't appreciate facial hair, get a new one. And if your family doesn't approve of you marrying your hockey-player-husband in your dreams, you may want to consider exchanging them as well. I know I have. Oh well. I digress. Again.

My favorite part of following what people do online is that I sometimes get to know what one searches in order to get to my blog. And because they are quite hilarious, I am going to share it all with you! I'm too kind, I know.


What kind of class does this institute solicit?  I really just don't want to know.

1.) the Jersey Shore has infiltrated my pristine temple to facial hair. 

2.) power stache - obvi 

3.) "big hair" mascot furs is EVERYTHING that this blog is about. Fact. I just wonder how far gone you have to be to type that specific combination of words into a search engine. What exactly are you expecting to find? 

4.) i totally ate at a football. How the FUCK does this search lead one to Power-Stache? There are just no words. 

5.) muskrats mustache makes sense, but why would anyone desire to view a muskrat's mustache? 

6.) clearly.

7.) rape stache. Interesting choice of words. I mean, we have discussed the rape stache which did not get Power-Stache's seal of approval. But there are so many better staches to view.

8.) sexy bears with beards and staches sounds like I need to expand my subject matter. Not only is there a market for bears with beards AND staches, but there is also a market for sexy bears. I may have hit the jackpot with that one.

9.) this ones probably from myself. whoops

10.) this one is definitely an international search. Which means Power-Stache is important. Likely from my excessive and tasteful use of italacks. 

-bruiser