The Value of Beard-Care

Enjoy my would-be fan mail to John Paul Dejoria:

Dear sir,
Your beard is IDEAL at worst - so choice!  I applaud you for demonstrating to men (and women) everywhere that good haircare is necessary.

And I see here that you are advertising for Patrón - so classy!  Although I am sortof obsessed (especially because it has a bee for its emblem - I mean who does that? Move over Lacoste) I am sure that you wash your dishes with Patrón, being a middle-class tequi.  By that I mean if I had a bajillion dollars like you, I would.

If at all possible, I'd like to date one of your sons. Good hair genes are hard to find, and great hair genes - forget it! I am very happy for you that you are no longer homeless (what a fucking backhanded complement, no?), but if you were living on my street, I'd give you my change, even though I use generic brand hair care and drink José (makes me vom just saying it).

Here's wishing you 67 more years of studly beards (and grown men making duck faces)!

-bruiser

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