Brett Keisel's Beard, Take 2

During my absence, Brett Keisel shaved his iconic beard. It's okay since it was for charity, but Brett - never again. I'm serious.

Here is what he looks like sans-glory:

And with the beard as the world was meant to be:

I don't know why his beard isn't the biggest deal on the internet. It's pretty much the biggest deal in my life - I MEAN FUCKING LOOK AT THAT LUSH FACIAL HAIR.  I'm certain it feels like chinchilla fur.  

I think this is a good opportunity to diskuss the power of the beard. The above picture shows a regular guy. He looks like your brother's roommate. Nice, but nbd. But when you see him with a beard, he levels up to 11 and becomes über-football-sex-god. That is the power of the beard. Its the difference between being and not being pregnant. Because beards are the #1 cause of pregnancy - thats the fact, jack. 

But I'm klarly not the only one who feels this way - many people responded by photoshopping the famous beard onto other people/objects: Enjoy!

-bruiser

Deer This Guy:

So there is an artist from China who has worn a deer mask every day for the last 4 years.

Luo Dan started wearing the mask and became addicted to its 'therapeutic properties'. He says the deer is a 'tame animal'. 

I'm calling BULLSHIT. You know this dude is from China cause he has never seen deer in his life. Those things are NOT tame - they are wild-ass, shifty-eyed motherfuckers who are out to get you. If they don't destroy your car, they will kick you in the head and kill you. Luo Dan has no idea of what an aggressive statement he is making. If he were in America, he'd become instant target practice. Too easy.

Read the full story here.

[Full disclosure I have been shit on by a deer. True story.]

-bruiser

She has funny dreams

Life can be stressful sometimes. And sometimes people are on drugs. Either of these people will have fucked up dreams, and if you fall in the the middle of the venn-diagram, you are screwed my friend.

Recently I had one such dream.

Scene: Leaving a billionaire's house party.
Situation: Everyone gets a monetary party-gift (sounds awesome, right?)
What happened to me: I grab a gift card. For $200,000. Even better, right? Wrong.

It was to KFC. $200,000 gift card to fucking KFC.

Now I don't eat at KFC, although this isn't the problem. I would totally eat at KFC for free for the rest of my life (51 years, give or take, of an 8 piece bucket combo for the rest of my life). But why the fuck would I do that? I want the money, not free chicken (even though fried chicken is the best chicken #fact).

I debated my options. I could be a philanthropist and donate it to a food shelter. Or I could be a dick and sell it to a church (read: Baptist) at a discounted rate, which is slightly generous. Or I could be even more of a dick and buy a store. Or 3.

Or I could sell it to Dave Grohl. He loves that shit.

I don't think I've ever been more intrigued by a hypothetical situation, ever.
Here's to fucked up shit.
-bruiser

PS - the drug dream was in reference to the time I was on malaria pills. woah.

Facial Hair Equality

Sometimes I seem to forget that I am not the only person who likes the stache (and beards, etc.). So I tend to write things from my (female) perspective. But that completely ignores the other - sometimes facially haired - sex that is also attracted to mustachios and the like. So this post is for all the dudes out there that love facial hair as much as I do!

Because what could be better than a man with excellent facial hair? Two men with excellent facial hair. 

It's science people.

Power-Stache supports equality for all people with and without hair.
-bruiser

Talking about chest hair, talking about crazy cool medallions

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We've got a great post for you tonight. This is my blog. This is a no-nonsense blog. Let's get down to business.

If you didn't get the reference, check out SNL's Barry Gibb Talk show, its hilarious:

Good Aussie gods of golden lamé, I love the Bee Gees. What isn't there to love about them?

Disco was by far the most epic (and fabulous!) era of pop-culture and these guys were on top. Which means that they are still #winning.

Pop quiz: the Bee Gees are not sexy gods of disco because A) their long, lustrous manes, B) their beards, C) their abundance of chest hair, D) their tight pants, E) their falsettos, G) their crazy, cool medallions, F) their australian accents, G) again, their tight pants.

So in summary, SUPER sexy (plus for brothers they don't all look identical so theres a little something for everyone, amiright? Or in my case, 3 for me! Kidding! but not really.)

I'm pretty sure if I was walking down the street in the 70s and I saw a guy (seriously any guy) wearing a shiny track suit with his tits out (not literally, I mean his chest hair) and pants that tight, I'd think 'he's got balls; I KNOW he has balls because I can literally SEE them'.

...And then I'd probably take him home cause apparently I'm a hypothetical whore, since this is a hypothetical situation. [Obviously this would be pre-AIDS epidemic, but at least its not the SIV, amiright? No?]


 I have no discretion. Sorry I'm not sorry.
-bruiser