Sunday, December 19, 2010

Don't Fear the Bald!

Fashion and sports aren’t normally in the same sentence [see last week and every sports anchor in the business]. However, on occasion, sports enthusiasts are also fashionistas. Behold Kevin Stewart of ESPN:

This man lives and breathes Barneys, Armani Xchange, and sports. He is completely into himself – I mean obvi. But when you look gud, you are allowed. And when your beard is dope, you are also allowed. The array of colors in the beard is astounding. Its like a rainbow of grayscale coming out of his face. He’s inked up and wearing vintage chucks. I personally hate chucks, but he rocks them. And he rocks being bald.

Baldness is clearly a topic I’ve avoided here, but lets diskus. Some men can’t help it – what was once a lawn of neatly cultivated hair follicles is a locally extinct habitat. But take it with grace and style – shave the little hair you might have left. This is especially important for those with pattern baldness. The belt of untrimmed hair growing around the center of your cranium is not attractive and does not make people believe that you do have hair. It simply draws attention to the fact that you are missing hair on top and don’t get hair cuts with large enough frequency. So men, if you are faced with this dilemma, shave it all. If you simply have a receding hairline, a good alternative for you is to buzz your hair. Buzzed hair gives the same effect of baldness, especially if you are white and don’t have a dome.

Kevin Stewart has a dome. Generally most black men do. Dule Hill also has a magical dome – I’ve seen it in person, it really doesn’t disappoint. In truth, it is a work of art that would make Michelangelo weep.

I realize this is long so heres the summary: sports anchors need to burn ALL of their damn ties and get a wife who actually knows a thing about fashion. Kevin Stewart is awesome, having lush hair is enviable, but there comes a time in every mans life (see Sean Connery) that the bald or buzzed look should and must be rocked, and bald domes are beautiful. If you have a dome, call me.


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