Reality TV

Until recently, I've never been crazy about TV. Through college I didn't own one, so I only watched what I could on hulu. But now I get free cable (thanks overpriced rental agreement) and I can't get enough and its melting my fucking brain.

Can you guess what my newest obsession is? Of course you can and of course its Duck Dynasty.

Their beards are everything I've ever dreamt of. Who knew that I needed to travel to bumblefuck Louisiana to find them?

This isn't the first time I've seen this kind of reality TV. I've seen Pawn Stars, I've seen those damn fishing shows. I didn't get it. I didn't give a crap about those people or what they were doing for a living but holy god do I give so many fucks about the Duck Dynasty family. It has everything a girl could want: long haired men, beards, guns, and fucking ducks.

So fucking majestic.

I'm going to be straight with you and tell you I was a huge fan of the 'I'm slightly famous and want to be more famous so look at my stupid fake life' reality TV. I was really into Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. I just loved the strippers (I mean, who doesn't love the strippers?). I also was really into Keeping up with the Kardashians but not because I like Kim (she has a fat ass but she's disgusting), but because I love Scott Disick.

What isn't there to love about Lord Disick? He is the realest thing on the show (and yes, he got Kourtney pregnant and is now making loads of money off of it) but he doesn't take the Kardashians seriously and sees them for the joke that they are. But he has so much $wag its not even funny.

I think he represents the other half of my personality - the half that is always battling my Duck Dynasty half. Hence, I end up being a semi-shaven, occasionally showered, but all kinds of sexy woman #fact. And no that's not a joke, I actually have that much self-confidence. 

The other great thing about Scott is that he can (sometimes) grow decent facial hair. It really looks good on him (sexxxy scruff!), but I am 100% sure he is too much of a pussy bitch to grow a real beard. So I will continue to watch Duck Dynasty (and Vikings looks awesome - something to dull the pain while Game of Thrones is on hiatus, am I right?). I'm pretty sure that's all I need in life (pathetic I know).

I'm back bitches!

-bruiser

Why I Actually Love Brett Kiesel's Beard

Remember Brett Kiesel's beard and its epic awesomeness?  Pretend not to be surprised when I tell you that I don't love it for what it actually is - I'm not loving the beard for the beard's sake.

Take a good long look at this photo.

Want know what it reminds me of? (Read: what it should remind you of?)

My man Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Brett Kiesel is clearly a huge fan and using the man as a style inspiration.  Solid move, I do the same thing too.  Ian Anderson is a musical genius, which totally reads via his choice of garb.

Heavy Horses also happens to be my favorite Tull album - Kiesel is closer and closer to becoming my biffffle everyday!


This particular snapshot is quite tame for Anderson, who spent the first 10 years of his career in disco boots and wild, unkempt hair - an accessory to his crazy eyes:

Credit: Charlie Auringer

Not only does this man know how to write songs about absurd things while using proper grammar (something I haven't been able to achieve, klarly) because he's so educated&shit, he does it while rocking one of the largest beards known to rock n' roll (2nd to ZZ Top).  Febreeze fresh I dare say. His insane mane is glorious.  And to top it all off, he sports a flute.




He's a dreamboat.  I'm going to go out on a very secure and short limb here, and say that Ian Anderson is the source of hipsterism today.  And that actually makes hipsters a little bit more okay.  It makes complete sense that all the hipsters would be trying to get in on this action.

Credit: Rick Kahlmeyer

Here's one from Warchild/Minstrel era - hence the codpiece.  This man is the source of my envy of curls, considering I don't have a single sulfide-bond to call my own [sademoticon.com]. Note the sideburns, which are IDEAL.

And he is still the manliest man around while wearing leggings. Guys, take note. And no, you are not now permitted to wear leggings.


Heres hoping that another musician may one day profit off of songs written about homeless men, kinky girls and farming instead of fireflies.

-bruiser

Seeing McDouble

I am going to admit to being confused recently.  I am, in fact, a mere mortal, although I don't like to advertise it.  I must not pay any attention at all.

So I was watching the Capitals vs the Flyers and I was blown away - what was Claude Julien, of the Boston Bruins doing at the Capitals bench?  I was blown away and immediately googled the situation.

Who would have known it (likely everyone else besides me) that they are, in fact, two different peoples? Amazing, right?

Yes, they are two middle-aged white coaches who are bald and not the trimmest of folk.  Apparently thats where the similarities end, from what I can tell, but who would have known that?  Bald men are like people of a different race - they all look the same.

The pictures here should highlight the differences pretty well, although

Bruce Boudreau is slightly heavier.  Thats really the only definitive quality I can use to tell them apart. They're like the freaking Olsen twins: one is skeletal, and one is invisible if she turns sideways. Really slight differences.


And if you haven't been following the Flyers, you should all know Ville Leino's beard is looking fly.  Leino just happens to be #3 in +/-.

Don't tell me that it has nothing to do with the beard because it does.  And our homeboy Andrej Meszaros (also pictured) is #1 in +/-.  The beard is lucky for both of them.  It is totally back to playoff shape. Thats febreze fresh, mind you. Seriously Ville, call me.

-bruiser                                                                      

 [Images: http://www.sportsnet.ca/gallery/2010/01/01/julien_claude_gal_640.jpg, 

http://www.homermcfanboy.com/images/boudreau042210.jpg, Photo by Jim McIsaac]

Playoff Beards

The Flyers are fresh off their amazing comeback over the Bruins Friday night. And so are their playoff-beards. Well, febreze-fresh that is. Naturally all hockey players have playoff facial hair in one form or another, but there are a few standouts. Take Simon Gagne for example.

Normally on the stubbly-side, Gagne's playoff-beard is lookin' fine.

Michael Leighton is the new goalie and I totally dig the full beard. It does look a little Keanu Reeves (his beard not his looks. well maybe a little of his looks too). But I'm confident he'll learn and let it grow a little longer. So much beard potential!

Look at this friggin' beard love connection: Ville Leino and Scott Hartnell

Leino's beard looks like its made of solid gold and Hartnell's beard is complemented by his jew-fro. What a combo! and by combo I definitely mean a large Steakhouse XT Burger combo with extra zesty sauce for your fries from BK. fucking delicious man.

-bruiser