Give the nerds a little respect!!

America loves nerds. We dumb folk love that there are people smart enough to figure shit out like iphones and bombs and shit. We also love to hate on them to make ourselves feel better. And Hollywood figured that one out early and has given us a lot of great dorks. What we end up with is a lot of geeks without a chance in hell of getting the girl (you know the deal: glasses, buttoned polos, guys whiter than mayonnaise... )

Poor dudes! But it turns out its all Hollywood magic (for some).

Remember him? Kip Dynamite! Practically the biggest geek ever.

Well, turns out he's a hottie (with possibly the nicest ginger beard ever, I might add).

And his awesome brother, Napoleon Dynamite?

[I realize not everyone gets off on the mouth-breathing, wire-rimmed glasses and jew fro look like I do]

Yeah, totally hottie too.

What a fucking stache! And keep rocking the mane, dude. It's a fucking mess, but if you got it, flaunt it. The sex hair might not be a coincidence - he is probably getting copious amounts of ass from horny nerd girls. Get it!

He does make an adorable nerd though.

[I love the Benchwarmers so this one is simply for your viewing pleasure]

Guess what? Not a nerd. 

Possible nerd:

And my favorite nerd of all time? Garth Algar, obvi

He makes me feel funny inside, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class. Scha-wing.

Everyone like nerds, but everyone loves a hot nerd. They're so educated&shit.

-bruiser

Overpriced, Sexy-Casual

Some people scour magazines or lady-sites like theBerry looking for hot dudes. I always go right for the Sartorialist when I'm in need of a hot dude (or 2).

The title of this post was 'If You're Thinking About...The Perfect Summer Outfit for a Man'. Sartorialist, you should thank me for editing this for you. NEEDED to be done.

Where to start? The guy on the left is a little too hot, if thats possible. He totally looks like he belongs in one of those Chase credit card commercials, or, here's an idea, a real movie? Standing there so casually with his shades, in his fashionably large pants, cigarette in hand, while carrying a very expensive bag. Oh Sartorialist, where do you find these people? And how do you find so many? 

The first thing I noticed was the hair (obvi). Those are very beautiful heads of hair. And the perfect, manicured scruff! The tattoos were probably the easiest part of constructing their respective images - you only have to get them once. If it were me, I'd get at least twice as many. But that's just personal opinion. I like tattoos. 

I get the feeling that it costs a lot to be that causally sexy. Probably more than I make in a year, and while I weep here over economics, I can at least look back at these handsomely constructed figures to make myself feel better.

I'm not sure if I want to be them or be on them. (Sorry I'm not sorry).

-bruiser

Brett Keisel's Beard, Take 2

During my absence, Brett Keisel shaved his iconic beard. It's okay since it was for charity, but Brett - never again. I'm serious.

Here is what he looks like sans-glory:

And with the beard as the world was meant to be:

I don't know why his beard isn't the biggest deal on the internet. It's pretty much the biggest deal in my life - I MEAN FUCKING LOOK AT THAT LUSH FACIAL HAIR.  I'm certain it feels like chinchilla fur.  

I think this is a good opportunity to diskuss the power of the beard. The above picture shows a regular guy. He looks like your brother's roommate. Nice, but nbd. But when you see him with a beard, he levels up to 11 and becomes über-football-sex-god. That is the power of the beard. Its the difference between being and not being pregnant. Because beards are the #1 cause of pregnancy - thats the fact, jack. 

But I'm klarly not the only one who feels this way - many people responded by photoshopping the famous beard onto other people/objects: Enjoy!

-bruiser

Talking about chest hair, talking about crazy cool medallions

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We've got a great post for you tonight. This is my blog. This is a no-nonsense blog. Let's get down to business.

If you didn't get the reference, check out SNL's Barry Gibb Talk show, its hilarious:

Good Aussie gods of golden lamé, I love the Bee Gees. What isn't there to love about them?

Disco was by far the most epic (and fabulous!) era of pop-culture and these guys were on top. Which means that they are still #winning.

Pop quiz: the Bee Gees are not sexy gods of disco because A) their long, lustrous manes, B) their beards, C) their abundance of chest hair, D) their tight pants, E) their falsettos, G) their crazy, cool medallions, F) their australian accents, G) again, their tight pants.

So in summary, SUPER sexy (plus for brothers they don't all look identical so theres a little something for everyone, amiright? Or in my case, 3 for me! Kidding! but not really.)

I'm pretty sure if I was walking down the street in the 70s and I saw a guy (seriously any guy) wearing a shiny track suit with his tits out (not literally, I mean his chest hair) and pants that tight, I'd think 'he's got balls; I KNOW he has balls because I can literally SEE them'.

...And then I'd probably take him home cause apparently I'm a hypothetical whore, since this is a hypothetical situation. [Obviously this would be pre-AIDS epidemic, but at least its not the SIV, amiright? No?]


 I have no discretion. Sorry I'm not sorry.
-bruiser

Manly Sperm Wanted

When I saw this picture I realized that I have nothing to live for.

Blue Oyster Cult, as seen above, was living, breathing 70s.  What human that has reached puberty does not want to grab a fist full of that chest hair?  I would have made the worst groupie and likely have been kicked out by not hiding my preference for those heads of hair over the sub-par looking gentlemen beneath them.

The 70s are dead, and as hard as I might try, they are never coming back.
sademoticon.com

But the one good thing about this day and age is that I can both oggle men with chest hair that I *probably* wouldn't oggle today.  Although if they slapped on some leather pants and still groomed their moustache and/or amish-looking full beards and used conditioner, I probably positively would.

If a man is smart enough to maintain a mane, facial hair, chest hair, wear cool shades effortlessly while squeezing his balls into leather jeans that are at least one size too small, he is smart enough to breed with.  Musical skillz are optional, but desired.  Yes that is my checklist and no I am not kidding.

I am going to start a sperm bank that is by invitation only for manly and musical men.
-bruiser

The Royal Wedding Moustache

Everyone and their mother (especially their mother) watched the royal wedding today.  And although dull as weddings go (I find all weddings to be dull; I'm positive that both bride and groom also feel this way because if you watched them, you'd think they were serving detention at how inattentive they are during the ceremony). We all know that the best part is the reception because its post-pictures and the food (and drinks!) are delicious.

During the pre-ceremony, I spied a delightful man who I believe was a member of the royal family as he was wearing some military attire.  Although I did not get a picture then, I did find one of him from afar (and I will be adding the closeup once the broadcast reloops).

What you see here my friends is a sixth of the best moustache within all of Westminster Abbey today, guaranteed. Click on the picture to see it bigger.

I also didn't register this toothbrush stache the first time - what a find!

And I didn't realize people still wore those - I guess the 'too soon' period is now over for WWII.

And this was the stache I expected to be on every man's face in attendance over 60.  England, why you no like moustaches?

At first I hated the halloween parade all of the invitees thought they were invited to, but now I'm diggin' it.  It was pretty awesome to see every woman looking like a complete dump, and all of the men looking dapper with their tie pins and 6 shades of complementary colors.  And by every woman, I mean all of them except the Middleton family - mother and daughters looked amazing. So much class...and no one told me her mother was Angelica Huston. She's uhmazing!  And she had the sexiest suit/dress/ensemble.

Mrs. Middleton-382, Everyone else-0.
-bruiser

Nolte: From Studly to Creepy

Ignore my ignorance, but I don't really remember anything before 2002, so I never remembered Nick Nolte as either A) sane or B) attractive. 

Everytime I think about it, I still find it hard to believe he was ever attractive, since he has hobo smeared all over his face.  Let alone that he was People's Sexiest Man in 1992. Holy shit that means he's 69.  And due to the existence of Sean Connery, his age does not make it an excuse one bit.

Let us stop looking at the horror of your future and focus on his sexy, moustached past.

Sexy. As. Hell.  

Move over Brad Pitt [for the record, I have never thought Brad Pitt was sexy. at all. but I am speaking for the masses here].  This is the reason why I get so depressed - knowing the 70s are 40 years behind us! Back in the days when Nick Nolte knew what conditioner was,  not only did Nick Nolte look slammin', but every other Joe Schmoe looked just like this too.

As much as my mother begs to differ, the 70s were IDEAL and there will be 0 decades better than the 70s. And of course by the 70s I mean 1967-1977.  Flavor-savers and thick heads of hair abound!

Sometimes its better to die young and beautiful than old and stanky
-bruiser

Morrison: Sexy, Even in Death

I have been on such the Doors kick this week - thank god for youtube playlists!

Jim Morrison may have had the best voice in rock n' roll history - I haven't officially decided this yet, but he is definitely better than Robert Plant.  And the Doors were better than Zeppelin because they actually were about creating music and were completely original - now I love Zeppelin, but they were just trying to sell records and probably stole the largest number of songs in the history of forever. Bitches got away with violating that much intellectual property? I guess if it were me, I'd forgive Robert Plant too. But I don't forgive him for being old.

Jim was such an icon too - his style is enviable and so is his hair.  Although he has a really pretty face, I don't think he has any real sex appeal without his hair. Google it for yourself to see what I'm talking about - the hair made the man.  And it helps that he had the most perfect head of curls in the world (again, better than Robert Plant) - call them Adonis curls. Sexy as hell. Charlie Sheen can't beat that [whada douchebag].

And as I was taking google images to pound-town, I realized that James Roday is the reincarnation of Jim Morrison.  The similarity is insanely creepy.  It explains James's sexiness, and if he really was reincarnated, it explains why they both have bad attitudes.

And then there is Jim in a beard - such a fucking Stud. I personally think it's his best look, and because I believe in expressing your feelings via facial hair - his is screaming 'I don't give a fuck'.

And I often see many a man sporting a beard with short hair, which looks better than no beard, but I truly think many will find girls throwing themselves at them if they grew out their hair. Just an observation.

Too bad James Roday can't sing (as far as I'm aware)
-bruiser                                                                              source and source

No One Threatens Katharine Ross

According to a recent report from People, Katharine and Sam Elliott's daughter, Cleo, is insane and attacked her poor, beautiful mother.  I get the feeling this is the beginning of another 'elderly abuse' cases, although Katharine is far from old at 71.

Cleo 'verbally and emotionally' abused Katharine, while she was young and became more violent as she aged.  Now I'm not sure that this isn't some kind of Freudian shit going down, considering her father is in possession of the world's finest moustache, but where was the gun slinger to defend her?  Every woman needs to be protected against the crazies - there's always at least one.





I have three things to say about this picture:
1.) Cleo is a total slut. Only girls in playboy or under 11 can wear halter tops.
2.) The only thing Sam is missing from his outfit is his bolo tie.
3.) Katharine looks lovely in her 1960s-esque garb. Orange is delightful on her.



Cleo, I'd be more than happy to kick your ass any day of the week,
–bruiser

Tim Curry Might Be as Sexy as Sexy Gets.

Here's a request I got this evening: 'please write about Tim Curry and his musical awesomeness and his movies and muppet movies and his fantasical sexiness that is his facial hair aka face pubes aka orgasms to the eyes aka he’s holding a cigarette and I want one'.  I will do everything in my power to make this happen.

Tim Curry is a brilliant master-mind of the theatrical world and today, what marks him above all others, is his amazing, silver goatee. Truly a necessity for aging men.  But back in his Rocky Horror days, he was such a sexy transvestite. PS- 'I'm coming home' is the best song from RHPS period. [Note how RHPS is almost the same thing as RHCP, at least to me in my drunken state].

For smoking in both photographs, he looks fantabulous. Just sayin'.

And I never thought that getting a 'boss' tattoo would have ever been sexy, but now I am reconsidering.

Although there are a million more things I could say about the genious of this man, I'll leave it at:  I'd still tap that.

-bruiser

Why I Actually Love Brett Kiesel's Beard

Remember Brett Kiesel's beard and its epic awesomeness?  Pretend not to be surprised when I tell you that I don't love it for what it actually is - I'm not loving the beard for the beard's sake.

Take a good long look at this photo.

Want know what it reminds me of? (Read: what it should remind you of?)

My man Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Brett Kiesel is clearly a huge fan and using the man as a style inspiration.  Solid move, I do the same thing too.  Ian Anderson is a musical genius, which totally reads via his choice of garb.

Heavy Horses also happens to be my favorite Tull album - Kiesel is closer and closer to becoming my biffffle everyday!


This particular snapshot is quite tame for Anderson, who spent the first 10 years of his career in disco boots and wild, unkempt hair - an accessory to his crazy eyes:

Credit: Charlie Auringer

Not only does this man know how to write songs about absurd things while using proper grammar (something I haven't been able to achieve, klarly) because he's so educated&shit, he does it while rocking one of the largest beards known to rock n' roll (2nd to ZZ Top).  Febreeze fresh I dare say. His insane mane is glorious.  And to top it all off, he sports a flute.




He's a dreamboat.  I'm going to go out on a very secure and short limb here, and say that Ian Anderson is the source of hipsterism today.  And that actually makes hipsters a little bit more okay.  It makes complete sense that all the hipsters would be trying to get in on this action.

Credit: Rick Kahlmeyer

Here's one from Warchild/Minstrel era - hence the codpiece.  This man is the source of my envy of curls, considering I don't have a single sulfide-bond to call my own [sademoticon.com]. Note the sideburns, which are IDEAL.

And he is still the manliest man around while wearing leggings. Guys, take note. And no, you are not now permitted to wear leggings.


Heres hoping that another musician may one day profit off of songs written about homeless men, kinky girls and farming instead of fireflies.

-bruiser

No One Messes With My Bitch

So of all the men, beards, and moustaches, I have yet to inform you all about my affair with Whoppi Goldberg.  In short, I'm pretty much in lesbians with her.  No one comes close to Whoppi.

And the New York Times just ignored her Academy Award?  This woman earned that hunk of gold, and deserves 10 more, thankyouverymuch.  Here is the NY Times article, and as of Monday night, she was not mentioned.  The NY Times should do a full front page apology to my lady.

Listen to her be pissed on the subject.  It's what she does best.



My love for Whoopi began the first 100 times I watched Sister Act when I was 8 or 9 years old.  And I've seen it 300 more times since then, but that is extraneous information. Let us discuss Sister Act for a hot second, kay?

She starts out as a slutty lounge singer. You can't imagine that it gets better but it does.

She is a classy lady!

She has a gold lamé
jacket. And she has bangin' shades. Have you seen this hair! Shits Noicce. I now have a new Halloween costume. Check that shit off the list.

Nun of that!

She actually sang in it. For years I thought she didn't, but that ain't no church-voice honey.

Sister Mary Clarence also understands the importance of deep shoulder action. So easily overlooked!

PS - the sequel to Sister Act is called 'Back in the Habit'. Writing genius I tell you.

This is what the Roman

 Catholic Church looked like before Whoopi stepped into it [Note the moustache. A redeeming quality for the RCC].  No pretty.  That face is actually an universal reaction to the RCC.  Therefore church gives you crow's feet. Don't want that.

Did I mention what a sexy bitch she is? I don't know if its the hair, the studded bustier, or the lack of eyebrows that turns me on, but keep it coming!

She turns 'Bless you' into curse words. Floored yet?

She also has a showdown with Dame Maggie Smith, the only woman in the world who comes near her [aside from Katharine Ross of course].

My favorite scene is her

without the habit.  I don't understand the desire for weaves, cause ladies, this is it.  Your $1000 Indian hair does not look better than this carved afro.  With this hair you can throw on a habit and some hoops and go out the door. I need me a damn afro.  So church-chic!

So my obsession with Whoopi is unreal.   The memory of the dream of having lunch with Whoopi is better than any of the memories I've actually experienced. And no, this is not sad or pitiful.  It is a pity no one else has dream-dined with Whoopi before.

Good night ladies and gentlemen! You don't give a shit!

-bruiser

Nice Model Hair

We all know by now that models, at least successful ones, do not have any freedom of expression and everything about the way they look is a part of their paycheck.  And usually, for men, that means short crew cuts.  Because short hair sells jeans. It's true!

Well ladies and gents, I came across a fashion photographer who likes to embrace the edgy and weird, the non-Ashton Kutchers of the model world. And do they have Nice Hair!

From the photographer Greg Kadel, I present Perfekt Curls and Wild Man!

Perfekt Curls is incredibly overtouched and overdone (hello designer bowtie!), and they did a great job because it makes a great photo. He just oozes classiness.  If you feel envious of his Apollo-like curls, remember that he looks like a greasy college frat kid with a mad case of bed-head when he's not on set.

Wild Man is the visual representation of every girl's bad-boy fantasy. The long hair and severe jaw line say it all. He looks like he could tackle a wolf, once he takes off his cashmere cable-knit, that is. The skunk pelt? Sexy as hell.
The funny thing is that whoever dressed him knows how to get a feeling across.  The details are laughable though.  Fake war medals? Crushed velvet? I think he might be the one who needs rescuing. He really should have a switch-blade in hand. It would counteract the girly wardrobe and scream Icelandic survivor man.

I hope anyone going out in the blizzard today has an Icelandic survivor man on call.
-bruiser

Jakey Gyllenhaal

So Jake Gyllenhaal REALLY likes his facial hair. A lot. And by that I mean that I can't name any other movie besides Donnie Darko in which he is not sporting facial hair. Bubble boy?

And thank Gawd for his love of facial hair. 'Cause Power-Stache loves him (and by Power-Stache I mean me. It's a personal preference).

I'm not going to beat you with in-depth analysis of Gyllenhaal beards and staches...today. I'll just update you on his current stateus.

View the hair - who is this man's stylist? Antoine Dodson? 'Cause that shit looks Noicce!!! That hair is Angel-Soft. Whereas the beard is Brawny strong (clearly.) Everyone is nagging on him for being a lumberjack. Does anyone even know what a lumberjack looks like? 1 - the wear plaid. So he's clearly not a lumberjack. 2 - they have hair thats straight-up gnasty. 3 - they don't know what conditioner is. Jake is not a lumberjack.

I think the beard makes him looks cuddly [I'm not the only person who thinks in this manner - someone in my writing class evaluated my professor and commented that his beard made him seem 'nice'.] Cuddly like Corduroy. I mean, the man clearly isn't exerting his dominance over anyone. So trying to reel in the ladies with his masculine beard is probably the best answer. They love his green overalls.

Dear Jake - here is formal notice that your hair and I are in a relationship. It's as close as I can get to 'facebook official'.

-bruiser

Sexy Bears with Beards and Staches

I am so in love with Blogger's 'Stats' page they added recently. It tracks all of your blog traffic and gives you general information about your readers. It's far less stalkerish than I usually like to be, but it actually shows that more people love Power-Stache than my other stalker websites. And I have some serious stalker-skillz. I can find anyone on Facebook as long as I have two pieces of information about them. Impressive, right? I'm a weird creeper, cause I actually don't give two shits about anything that a Facebook page divulges other than a full name usually. In truth, its more for academic purposes - getting email addresses for group work and such. I know, lame right? My nerdiness and sense of responsibility will be my downfalls, I'm sure of it.

Now that I may or may have not sufficiently convinced you all that my Facebook creeping is innocent in nature, we can get back to the topic at hand - blogger stalking. It really just feeds my narcism. That and my family usually. If your family doesn't tell you how awesome you are all the time, get a new one. And if your family doesn't appreciate facial hair, get a new one. And if your family doesn't approve of you marrying your hockey-player-husband in your dreams, you may want to consider exchanging them as well. I know I have. Oh well. I digress. Again.

My favorite part of following what people do online is that I sometimes get to know what one searches in order to get to my blog. And because they are quite hilarious, I am going to share it all with you! I'm too kind, I know.


What kind of class does this institute solicit?  I really just don't want to know.

1.) the Jersey Shore has infiltrated my pristine temple to facial hair. 

2.) power stache - obvi 

3.) "big hair" mascot furs is EVERYTHING that this blog is about. Fact. I just wonder how far gone you have to be to type that specific combination of words into a search engine. What exactly are you expecting to find? 

4.) i totally ate at a football. How the FUCK does this search lead one to Power-Stache? There are just no words. 

5.) muskrats mustache makes sense, but why would anyone desire to view a muskrat's mustache? 

6.) clearly.

7.) rape stache. Interesting choice of words. I mean, we have discussed the rape stache which did not get Power-Stache's seal of approval. But there are so many better staches to view.

8.) sexy bears with beards and staches sounds like I need to expand my subject matter. Not only is there a market for bears with beards AND staches, but there is also a market for sexy bears. I may have hit the jackpot with that one.

9.) this ones probably from myself. whoops

10.) this one is definitely an international search. Which means Power-Stache is important. Likely from my excessive and tasteful use of italacks. 

-bruiser

Gold Medal Hair

Today's post is not about amazing facial hair, but instead about Nice Hair. Honestly, it's pretty amazing.

Ryan Smyth of the LA Kings (what a gay hockey team name!) should never wear a helmet and risk damaging his golden locks. His hair makes Farrah Fawcett (rest her soul) weep.

Ryan Smyth must be a hair idol to men everywhere, considering he was 32 when this picture was taken. Even George Clooney envys his fuller, more youthful hair.

And this guy sure has some balls to walk around with perfectly flipped hair these days. But he is an ath-e-lete, so anyone who messes with his hair won't fair well in a fight. Let alone a hockey fight. It's almost like they get paid to do it.

Just like Ville Leino's beard gives Finland a good name, Ryan Smyth's tousled tresses finally give 'hockey hair' a good name. The 'Ryan' may be the new 'Rachel'.

-bruiser

A Fashionable Facial Hair Friday

This Friday, I decided to enlighten you all with an example of Russia's finest (and most fashionable) facial hairs. Thanks to the Sartorialist, we can ogle over this man from Moscow.

I'll be upfront about this: I don't think I've seen a better looking Russian man before. And I'm not going to lie to you, although I really get my panties in a twist over a good turtleneck, this dude has Noicce Hair.

Can someone translate: Tell me sir where you get your haircut puhleaze. He needs to know how I feel about this.

But forealz, its so retro and he pulls it off googolplex times better than the beatles did. It's the right amount of shag and still professional looking. And zomg, it looks healthy! Don't lie to me, do you use pantene?

I really just want this man to sell me something. Anything. Conditioner, razors, aftershave, turtlenecks, eyeglasses, tacos, whatever. And we haven't even discussed the goatee! Have you seen nicer obtuse angles? His goatee looks like a fucking stop sign! I'd stop for him anytime *wink*wink.

-bruiser

Facial Hair Friday

el bigote = the moustache

So I started learning spanish (by force, not by choice) recently and this little image showed up. And now the entire spanish language has meaning and, dare I say it, value, now that I know el bigote means the moustache. Note that it translates as 'moustache' and not 'mustache'. Which means that ALL upper-lip hairs are excellent. There are no such things as an average stache in spanish. I think I might actually like this.

When I do travel to South America, I will expect all moustached men to have wide, lipless staches and long hair and walk around shirtless.

Me gusto los hombres con bigote.

-bruiser

Another Distacheter!

It has been far too long since this blog has seen a truly bad stache. Presenting (drumroll puhleaze) Anthony Kiedis!

Now this man is the king of current music, being the front man of RHCP and all. That band understands music and boy, do they have musical skillz!

RHCP always have fresh and funky beats, but AK's stache is only stale and funky (in a bad way). Not only is it very uneven and patchy, it simply lacks any real style. A normal mustache + skinny handlebar = distacheter.

Over time Sir Psycho Sexy has clearly learned a few rules of maintaining star-quality facial hair. Here he is recently at the Lakers vs Celtics game with his boys Flea and Chad (not pictured).

Now thats a stache we can all live with. Full of body and symmetrical, it reminds me quite a bit of Johnny Depp's stache which looks GOOD. It's also a little Power-Stache which can't hurt. And an AK/Johnny Depp combo is sexy as hell.

Now I wish I could promise that the bad stache is gone for good, but unfortunately I can't. AK is never content and is willing to do nearly anything to his amazing indian (feather) hair which, as we all know here at Power-Stache is sinful but I can't do too much about it besides publicly chastise him.

Here's hoping that we never have to see him here again.

-bruiser

Redford, Then and Now

Major realization today: Johnny Depp borrowed his acting chops (and facial-hair chops) from Robert Redford. It helps that he looks a lot like him. That was a surprise to me too. I always imagined that Brad Pitt or Owen Wilson were closer to Redford's doppelgangers, but look at these photos:

Holy Shit. Even though you can clearly see Paul Newman over his shoulder, I am completely convinced thats Johnny Depp in both pictures, with the same fantastic stache. Props to the guy for the quality stache, but I imagined he was more of 'a man of many mustaches'. But look at their expressions: Redford's stache doesn't even quiver as he prepares to pistol-whip the chump who calls him a cheat. You know who that chump is? Sam Elliott. As nice as Redford's stache is, Elliott's stache can bend Sundance Kid's bullets.

Back to Depp. His expression is slightly exaggerated but still similar to Redford's. One elicits annoyed, the other concerned. Jack Sparrow's stache actually looks a lot like Redford's here too, but the pictures deceiving. All the points Depp loses with his scraggly Sparrow stache are made up by his epic beaded goatee. Epic as in I may have once had goat cheese so good that I mentioned in public that I would marry it (yes, I do mean the goat). That epic. Plus he's sexy as hell. Johnny Depp, not the goat.

To Johnny Depp, the modern Robert Redford (and his moustaches). Scha-wing.

-bruiser