Give the nerds a little respect!!

America loves nerds. We dumb folk love that there are people smart enough to figure shit out like iphones and bombs and shit. We also love to hate on them to make ourselves feel better. And Hollywood figured that one out early and has given us a lot of great dorks. What we end up with is a lot of geeks without a chance in hell of getting the girl (you know the deal: glasses, buttoned polos, guys whiter than mayonnaise... )

Poor dudes! But it turns out its all Hollywood magic (for some).

Remember him? Kip Dynamite! Practically the biggest geek ever.

Well, turns out he's a hottie (with possibly the nicest ginger beard ever, I might add).

And his awesome brother, Napoleon Dynamite?

[I realize not everyone gets off on the mouth-breathing, wire-rimmed glasses and jew fro look like I do]

Yeah, totally hottie too.

What a fucking stache! And keep rocking the mane, dude. It's a fucking mess, but if you got it, flaunt it. The sex hair might not be a coincidence - he is probably getting copious amounts of ass from horny nerd girls. Get it!

He does make an adorable nerd though.

[I love the Benchwarmers so this one is simply for your viewing pleasure]

Guess what? Not a nerd. 

Possible nerd:

And my favorite nerd of all time? Garth Algar, obvi

He makes me feel funny inside, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class. Scha-wing.

Everyone like nerds, but everyone loves a hot nerd. They're so educated&shit.

-bruiser

The Hollywood Moustache

Most of Hollywood's sexiest men have sported a stache at one point or another in their careers.  But more interesting than that, they have all sported the same moustache - all of them. Check it:

John Gilbert

Errol Flynn

 The ever-sexy Cary Grant

 Clark Gable

Douglas Fairbanks 

John Barrymore 

 Robert Taylor

Vincent Price 

William Powell

There's a reason the Hollywood moustache caught on like a case of the herp'.  It exudes intelligence, control, wealth, and class.  You can't tell me that (nearly) any man with freshly pomade hair, a skinny tie, a tweed suit with pressed lapels, a fedora and a hollywood moustache shaved with a straight razor isn't gonna make your panties drop.

Which genius will bring it back in style first?

-bruiser

Why I Actually Love Brett Kiesel's Beard

Remember Brett Kiesel's beard and its epic awesomeness?  Pretend not to be surprised when I tell you that I don't love it for what it actually is - I'm not loving the beard for the beard's sake.

Take a good long look at this photo.

Want know what it reminds me of? (Read: what it should remind you of?)

My man Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Brett Kiesel is clearly a huge fan and using the man as a style inspiration.  Solid move, I do the same thing too.  Ian Anderson is a musical genius, which totally reads via his choice of garb.

Heavy Horses also happens to be my favorite Tull album - Kiesel is closer and closer to becoming my biffffle everyday!


This particular snapshot is quite tame for Anderson, who spent the first 10 years of his career in disco boots and wild, unkempt hair - an accessory to his crazy eyes:

Credit: Charlie Auringer

Not only does this man know how to write songs about absurd things while using proper grammar (something I haven't been able to achieve, klarly) because he's so educated&shit, he does it while rocking one of the largest beards known to rock n' roll (2nd to ZZ Top).  Febreeze fresh I dare say. His insane mane is glorious.  And to top it all off, he sports a flute.




He's a dreamboat.  I'm going to go out on a very secure and short limb here, and say that Ian Anderson is the source of hipsterism today.  And that actually makes hipsters a little bit more okay.  It makes complete sense that all the hipsters would be trying to get in on this action.

Credit: Rick Kahlmeyer

Here's one from Warchild/Minstrel era - hence the codpiece.  This man is the source of my envy of curls, considering I don't have a single sulfide-bond to call my own [sademoticon.com]. Note the sideburns, which are IDEAL.

And he is still the manliest man around while wearing leggings. Guys, take note. And no, you are not now permitted to wear leggings.


Heres hoping that another musician may one day profit off of songs written about homeless men, kinky girls and farming instead of fireflies.

-bruiser

Not on my Christmas List

[Looking for something Classy? Try this]

There appears to be a moustache sensation shaving the nation. And we don't have to take the bad with the good. No one wants that. Point out crap for what it is: crap. 

So the items below are the things that I will NAWT be asking for this Christmas.

Seriously what is this crap? I blame it on the hipsters. Take it from the top!

1. Mustached Chef Oven Mit - this was actually a postcard from the olden days, so thank gawd its not in production anymore. Oven mits are fugly to begin with, don't make it worse.

2. Set of 4 Mustache Placemats - I get the whole etsy thing - you don't have any real life skills so you make handy crafts and try to support yourself. But....just stop it. That thing is so hein it makes me want to vom. Not only is that the worst mustache I have ever seen, but you can't actually use spandex fabric for a placemat. Sheen is always inappropriate for the table.

3. Urban Outfitter's Carstache - Two things: first, it just looks stupid and you deserved to be mocked for driving and paying $40 for that POS. Secondly, its gross. Can you just imagine all of the dirt and bugs and rain and mold that will be on it after driving around with it for a few days? There's a reason only interiors use cloth. Get the net.

4. My Mustached Friend the Bear Hand Towel - Again with the handmade crafts. Stop it. Hand towels are meant to dry my hands, not to entertain. If I wanted to achieve both, I would get a dyson airblade. That shits awesome.

5. Fake Beards - It just draws attention to the fact that you don't have a beard, like toupees. 

6. Mustache Hair Pin - Because most girls can't grow a mustache, they think its okay to wear it in any form possible. Wearing a mustache in your hair is not okay and looks kindof dangerous. 

7. Mustache Shot Glasses - Not classy. Rather trashy. No longer available from UO, and for good reason.

8. Beardhead - The fastest way to make you look the tool that you are. What about Snuggies? They take longer to ship.

9. Mustache on a Stick - For girls appurantly. FYI, you look stupid.

10. Fingerstache - See also moustache bandages. I have better things to do than decorate my skin with plastic mustaches, thanks. 

11. Mustache Snowglobe - Really not Christmas-y at all. #xmasrelevancyfail

12. Mustache Pillow Covers - Have you ever had a shitty pillow cover? Your face needs a pillowcase that is more into you than it is into itself.

13. Mustache Keychain - Looks like a dumbass dog toy. You better drive a POS if you have that keychain.

14. Mustache Love Ring - Again, mustaches are not meant for jewelry. Shits not manly enough.

15. Mustached Fruit Badges - Fruit neither have faces nor wear mustaches. Don't force it upon them. They clearly are more into beards!

16. Famous Mustaches Mug - As much as I love being educated&shit as I drink from my cups, it doesn't teach me anything I don't already know and is for the amateur moustachist.

17. Flair Hair - Oh boy. So baldies want to wear something that looks like your daughters teddy bear on your head and pretend that you aren't bald? When we can see your natural hair on your sideburns and face? Grow a pair.

18. Chris Mascarenas Shirt - The design is awesome but the shirt is hein and kindof scary.

No thanks.

-bruiser

Writers Have Boring Staches

Peter Ackroyd, critic and biography author, is probz a smart guy. Well, he knows more things than are on Wikipedia (not in sum, that would be whack). And from the two english classes I've taken, I have the understanding that critics are important? The only thing they've ever done for me is give me quotes for papers and waste hours of my life. I mean, that shits bor-ing! But lets venture on under the assumption that they are, in fact, of some importance.

One of his most recent works was "Canterbury Tales - A Retelling". A Retelling? Really? Cause that shit wasn't painful enough to digest the first time around? I'll be honest here, I am a nerd through and through, and I happen to be a fan of some really 'boring' books. So you can believe me when I say its boring, cause it was. And I don't expect any of you to run out to your local library trying to prove me wrong (bonus points if you know where your local library is).

I don't think even I could retell Canterbury Tales in an interesting and captivating way. Not when there's works of art like The Simpsons on every week. Bruiser's retelling would only pale in comparison.

So now that you know everything you need to know about Peter Ackroyd, lets diskuss. Sports anchor stache? Maybe...reminds me of Chris Berman. But that might be the balding. Or the fat. They all blend so well. The plaid suit is unique - that's not a mistake you see everyday.

I'll just lump it into the 'fat man stache' category. They're all essentially the same anyway.

I realize that I said it before, but writers are just so dull! I totally believe that they lead lively and exciting lives, but even PAck couldn't get a heartbeat out of this one. Perhaps his biographies are interesting. I could see that. If you're into that sort of thing.

-bruiser

Psych and Epic Actor Throwbacks

My favorite show has been neglected for too long. There are about a billion reasons why Psych is the best show ever created, but I'll give you a run-down of the most interesting (and sometimes moustached!) characters. Party on!

Woody the Coroner (played by Kurt Fuller) is my favorite character. Russell is also my favorite character in Wayne's World. [Actor throwback #1] I actually squeal when Shawn and Gus hit up the morgue. Ah, obsessions are good for the soul.

Sorry Dulé, your velvety voice and superior head shape do bring you into a *very* close second. I met the very Chocolate Columbo in person recently, and he does not disappoint. Incredibly charismatic, and the man can say 'whaaat' like no ones business.
And look how awesome this episode is going to be this season! Ovaltine Jenkins sports not only a mustache but an afro as well! I don't know how he got by my Black People Month post, but keep an eye out for the Jackal next year.

Chris Sarandon played Ashton Bonaventure and is by far the most interesting man in the world. I mean, his name is Bon-aventure. Anyone with that name immediately increases in interestingness.  Look at how skillfully he balances the world in his hands! And you know how I feel about full hair at that age. Even Shawn admits that it is superior to his own locks. Definitely one guest star I wouldn't mind seeing return. There is never enough silver in the world. Just sayin'.




Jon Gries looks familiar, no? Thats because he's fucking Uncle Rico. [Actor throwback #2] Yes the very same seller of nylon polymer. The amazing thing about this photo is, Uncle Rico looks so normal and uncle-y! He could be your uncle. Watch your back, if your uncle also looks like this he might peg you in the face with a juicy steak.


Your uncle might be an Uncle Rico if he meets these qualifications: 1) has a moustache, 2) played football, 3) is/was a salesman, and/or 4) is Jon Gries.

Cary Elwes returned for the season premier as Pierre Despereaux, notorious art thief. If Chris Sarandon is the most interesting man in the world, Pierre might be the fanciest man in the world. His moustache certainly qualifies him for fancy stateus! Or maybe to play a part in Fancy Feast commercials? I'm not ragging, I've heard there's good money in cat commercials. Plus, he looks so educated&shit.

And guess what? Another mind-blowing connection! [Actor throwback #3 & #4] Both Chris Sarandon and Cary Elwes were in Princess Bride! It's a good thing that these two weren't in the same episode, shit would have imploded (because according to Dulé, it's better in the inside. Honest to god quote), someone would have been stabbed, and moustaches would have been sacrificed. Not cool.

So watch Psych on Wednesdays at 10 (on USA) and see what kind of hilarious trouble Shawn and John Jacob Jingley-Schmidt will get into. And keep bringing the epic guest stars.

-bruiser

Vincent Price is the Devil

For everyone's sake here, I hope that you all have seen The Great Mouse Detective. It is about Sherlock and Watson Basil of Baker St. and Dr. Dawson fighting the evil Professor Ratigan.

Professor Ratigan is truly evil in every way [except that he is missing a particularly evil mousetache]. And his evilness is attributed to the voice of Vincent Price. It's okay that Ratigan doesn't have a stache because Vincent Price has enough for any normal human plus a cartoon rat.

Vincent Price is the wicked creature on the left and on the right is boring Ronald Coleman. What isn't villanesque about Price? The pinstripe pants matched with a crushed velvet jacket, the napkin he made into a tie, and the pointy- A) goatee, B) moustache, C) eyebrows, or D) hairline make this guy's house the best to visit on halloween. He probably gave out king-sized candy bars too.

The way his hair is styled even gives the illusion of horns on his head. This man is scary dope and no fuck he was the go-to man for all things scary. He is even the voice of Thriller! Even better, he narrated Alice Cooper's concert/movie. This man is scary-dope.

-bruiser

Facial Hair Friday

el bigote = the moustache

So I started learning spanish (by force, not by choice) recently and this little image showed up. And now the entire spanish language has meaning and, dare I say it, value, now that I know el bigote means the moustache. Note that it translates as 'moustache' and not 'mustache'. Which means that ALL upper-lip hairs are excellent. There are no such things as an average stache in spanish. I think I might actually like this.

When I do travel to South America, I will expect all moustached men to have wide, lipless staches and long hair and walk around shirtless.

Me gusto los hombres con bigote.

-bruiser

If you give a mouse a mustache...

...You really ought to name him Algernon!

Therefore we have done both here at Power-Stache. Meet Algernon, our new Power-Stache mascot and cyber-pet!

Algernon means 'wearing a mustache' in old French. And naturally, the only Algernon most of us know is a mouse from the book Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. What a loyal little guy! And since he had that treatment in the book, it means he's really educated&shit [we will ignore the ending where he digresses]. Keep a look out for this little guy in the right column of the blog. Don't let him get lonely! And make sure he keep's up with styling his mousetache, [see what I did there?] as he can be lazy at times.

-bruiser

PS- thanks to both my sisters with their help with this post!

An Ode to a Mexican Pimp

aka Anthony Quinn (1915-2001)

So a little Wikipedia digging, and I came up with 15 reasons why everyone should love AQuinn and why hes the biggest pimp of all time. OFALLTIME.

1. He has this nice stache in Lawrence of Arabia:

2. He was born in Chihuahua, Chihuahua, Mexico

2.5 [I would say he has a nice tan, but since hes mexican it doesnt count]

3. He looks scottish (maybes its the tweed hat/beard combo? see picture above)

4. His mother was of Aztec ancestry and his father of Irish-Mexican ancestry

5. He used to box professionally

6. He played Zeus on tv (I mean, hell-er)

7. Just dropped by Gotti's criminal trial, probs to chat. Old wiki says:

he wanted to portray Castellano, who inspired the actor because he had had a "thirty-year-old" mistress, which Quinn believed was "a beautiful thing."

...And there that is. Now on to the bigpimpin

8. Had 5 children with 1st wife (1937-1965)

9. Had 3 children with 2nd wife (1966-1997) [thats 8 kids]

10. Had two other kids at sometime in the 70s [I don't blame him, it was the 70s]

11. Divorced 2nd wife cause he had a lovechild with his secretary at 78 years old

12. Had another child at 81 years old [thats a total of 12 kids people!]

13. Proceeded to marry said slutty secretary in 1997

14. Thats a grand total of 57 years difference between the oldest and youngest child. YOWZA!!

Finally,

15. Look at him in his pinstripe suit, smoking his pipe and being prepared with that gun behind his newspaper (that means hes educated&shit). And dont forget the stache. Dont ever forget the stache. It has POWER-STACHE written all over it!

-bruiser

Merlin's Beard!

You are currently viewing the fox known as the Knight of Malta. This here photograph was painted by Mirabello Cavalori in 15somethingsomething. He looks so educatedandshit holding that paper in his portrait. And you know which educated man he reminds me of?

Sheriff of Rottingham. Better known among the female fan-base as 'Rotty'. I keep a likeness of him in my boudoir.

Infamously known as having suffered from what appears to be dyslexic speech and loather of chastity belts, Rotty's a dreamboat.

I'll leave you to ponder Mervin's (aka Rotty's) take on keys: It's not the size that counts... It's how you use it!

-bruiser