Afroified Wilt Chamberlain

Basketball legend, Wilt Chamberlain, had legendary facial hair.  And because he had a way with the hair follicles, he naturally had a way with the ladies.

And his afro is lovely. His afroified goatee could be trimmed a bit, but it has great shape. I guess when you commit to an afro, you have to go all the way. I can't commit to anything so I wouldn't know.

That's it for Black People Month. At least it gives you something to look forward to February for, god knows we all need something.

-bruiser

Classic Crustache

Richard Pryor had one of the most beloved crustaches of all time. It was meaty and definitely not creepy. The man looked far better with his moustache (I don't need to beg the question 'who doesn't?' right now do I?) than sans moustache.

The reason is hiding the upper lip worked great for him. If you look at him sans-stache, you can still see where it should be, a phantom stache perhaps?

That moustache is such an accessory - like some men wear bolo ties. Ones that can't wear moustaches I guess.

As a comedic actor, with good material mind you, he didn't necessitate the moustache for laughs or attention. Unlike whatever douche I saw on Comedy Central today - Patrick Fox? What an asshole. He needs to shave that booger off his face and stop giving moustaches a bad name. Pryor's stache is all kinds of class and zero kinds of crass. Plus his afro is all kinds of awesome. Too bad comedy will never look this good again (except maybe David Spade. He looks fine in those 7UP commercials.)

-bruiser                                                                             (via source and source)

The New, Improved Chin-Strap

Call this another triumph for Black People, and perfect for Black People Month,

 Jacob Pullen has given new life to the chin-strap.  No longer skinny, but still perfectly crusty, Pullen's beard has a wild following at Kansas State. Fake chin-strap/beard hybrids abound, I'll jump on the bandwagon seeing as this one is going to go much further than the anchor stache or the hitler stache.

If you look closely, it is simply a beard, sans moustache and soul patch. Aka an untrimmed chin-strap.  And white people have gotten a bad rap for chin straps for years (rightfully so! idyots.)



But good for him for making it work, as evidenced, these novel facial hair styles aren't always fruitful.  Considering the recent success of teams with beards, I'd count on Jacob Pullen leading Kansas into March Madness. I'm telling you now, beards are less smelly and more humane lucky-rabbits foots.


People, stop wasting perfectly good salt over your shoulder, and grow a damn beard.
-bruiser

Nike Owns Black History Month Now

Leave it to Hitler-Stache Michael Jordan to make all of February about himself.  Not only does he have madaam tussauds (I mean, he looks good), but Air-Jordans for Black People Month too? Now that just ain't right.

Let me google that for you

Nike releases special-edition shoes just for Black History Month.  Umm, okay.  Your customers are largely fashionable.  Fact.  So no sentimental feelings are going to bring them into the store.  They want dope looking shoes, and they don't want a lesson on their struggles for equality.  So Nike - stop making shoes for MLK Jr, and start making shoes for your customers.  [And ps - keep up the good work cause those shoes are sexy as hell!]

I mean damn! These go with my white-girl blazer and my black girl jeans.




Now get crackin' on some shoes in honor of my girl Whoops.
-bruiser

No One Messes With My Bitch

So of all the men, beards, and moustaches, I have yet to inform you all about my affair with Whoppi Goldberg.  In short, I'm pretty much in lesbians with her.  No one comes close to Whoppi.

And the New York Times just ignored her Academy Award?  This woman earned that hunk of gold, and deserves 10 more, thankyouverymuch.  Here is the NY Times article, and as of Monday night, she was not mentioned.  The NY Times should do a full front page apology to my lady.

Listen to her be pissed on the subject.  It's what she does best.



My love for Whoopi began the first 100 times I watched Sister Act when I was 8 or 9 years old.  And I've seen it 300 more times since then, but that is extraneous information. Let us discuss Sister Act for a hot second, kay?

She starts out as a slutty lounge singer. You can't imagine that it gets better but it does.

She is a classy lady!

She has a gold lamé
jacket. And she has bangin' shades. Have you seen this hair! Shits Noicce. I now have a new Halloween costume. Check that shit off the list.

Nun of that!

She actually sang in it. For years I thought she didn't, but that ain't no church-voice honey.

Sister Mary Clarence also understands the importance of deep shoulder action. So easily overlooked!

PS - the sequel to Sister Act is called 'Back in the Habit'. Writing genius I tell you.

This is what the Roman

 Catholic Church looked like before Whoopi stepped into it [Note the moustache. A redeeming quality for the RCC].  No pretty.  That face is actually an universal reaction to the RCC.  Therefore church gives you crow's feet. Don't want that.

Did I mention what a sexy bitch she is? I don't know if its the hair, the studded bustier, or the lack of eyebrows that turns me on, but keep it coming!

She turns 'Bless you' into curse words. Floored yet?

She also has a showdown with Dame Maggie Smith, the only woman in the world who comes near her [aside from Katharine Ross of course].

My favorite scene is her

without the habit.  I don't understand the desire for weaves, cause ladies, this is it.  Your $1000 Indian hair does not look better than this carved afro.  With this hair you can throw on a habit and some hoops and go out the door. I need me a damn afro.  So church-chic!

So my obsession with Whoopi is unreal.   The memory of the dream of having lunch with Whoopi is better than any of the memories I've actually experienced. And no, this is not sad or pitiful.  It is a pity no one else has dream-dined with Whoopi before.

Good night ladies and gentlemen! You don't give a shit!

-bruiser