Friday, April 23, 2010

I'd Rather Bleach My Eyes

It's about time we addressed the unloved children of the world, the Gingers.
Let's just take it from the top:

Axl Rose. The man used to be dope as fuck, and no one really dwelled on his red-headedness (Well, he kept it hidden under those rad bandanas - don't ask don't tell). Now he walks around wearing rosaries like necklaces (SINNER!!!) and painting his face with layers of cheetos, daily.

I have it on good faith that Slash couldn't work with redheads and Axl believed his red hair to be 'charming' hence the end of the GNR era. Worked out well for one of them, and that one has noicce hair, and hats and sunglasses that just can't be compared to.

Seth Green is a funny dude. The bloody caterpillar under his nose is not funny.

hokay. The thing about genetic disease is, it needs to be
removed from the breeding population. These patients of firecrotch syndrome (FICS for short) are constantly offered solutions to make life easier for others who have to look at their fug faces them like hair dye, tanning, razors, wigs, and MJ skin-treatments. But they refuse. Had I any interes
t in the livelihoods of these people, I would start a charity that collected boxes of hair dye to help them cope with such a debilitating disorder, but I don't want to risk encouraging their procreation. Mrs. Weasley already gave us enough fireants to deal with for the rest of our lives, thanks.

hohohooo you've been waiting
for this haven't you?
Here it is, in all of its steroid (not from macaroni, mind you) glory. Here is the story of how this disgusting thing came to be:
Madonna's used tampon came to life one day. It just grew and pulsated and FORTUNATELY did not make baby tampons. So not cool, right? Vile beings are born unto good people (aka me and you, my faithful readers) in vile ways and collect-call commercials.

I have $6. That should be enough for bleach, right?


PS- Just for shits and giggles, I present you with the not-so-rare sweaty cheeto-stache:

You're welcome.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, how I loooove the description of "madonna's used tampon." Thanks for that image. ALSO, since WHEN does Seth Green have that god-awful living organism under his nose...?!??


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