Stachatize me, Cap'n!

As I've already proclaimed, size MATTERS...but not as much as strength does. I'll tell you what Hollywood is NOT here for: limp and/or soggy...cereal, of course. Nope, when it comes to morning snacks drenched in skim, I'm only here for CRANCH.

[A report released in 2009 by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale gave Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries the worst nutritional score of any cereal marketed to children and families.]

At the risk of one day ending up on Kirstie Allie's Big Life, Cap'n Crunch's CRANCH berries are my number one. Let's be real here, Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale, when your mascot has a dope stache, no one can resist. What do they teach you in them ivy leagues anyway?Look at that ADORABLE stache. Perfectly symmetrical and ultra-voluminous...who doesn't "got milk" for this guy?? This gleaming white flavor-saver entices kids without coming off as a pedofile, and charms mothers into buying cereal that "causes" obesity. This stache truly has it all. So next time you're hangry for breakfast, grab the cranch, feel the stache.

Stachatize me, Cap'n!
<3Hollywood