Someone Who Doesn't Have a Case of the Babies

Have you seen every headline in the past 3 weeks?  Every woman in the California area code has caught embryotitis, and that includes Owen Wilson. Did we ever have any doubts? Rhetorical question.

So as a little bit of relief from pregnant women and men, lets take a look at someone who isn't going to have children for, like, ever: Zac Efron.

If you aren't catching on, here's what I'm trying to say: the girly-man is into dudes. I don't have very good gay-dar, but it goes off like a fire alarm when I see Zac Efron. And at the very least, he is into backup dancers. I can totally see him pulling a Britney and dating a super-tall black chick. That would be awesome.

And his facade of a girlfriend won't ever put out babies for him because that's not in her contract. Plus, gross....So, let's make fun of his stache for 5 seconds.

That poof is so far from cute right now.  And please take off those shades.  There are two purposes of wearing reflective aviators, and your life fulfills neither: starring on Reno 911! or looking at girls. So stop.  And I don't know who you think you are with that mustache.

Seriously, I don't know you are trying to be. No one looks that bad. Shave it off and start the end of your career as Justin Bieber's dad on Disney. Nickelodeon doesn't want you or your lack of skillz.

My guess for real is that he'll be on a game show? The Price is Right in 12 years? He'd totally be down for a Baywatch re-make. Someone get on that to save poor Zac's career!

-bruiser

Image from Dlisted.com