Friday, April 1, 2011

Non-Awkward Artist

I had to save this photo from the cruelty of Awkward Family Photos commenters.  The question people need to ask about this photo is not, who is this man and what is he doing? but why are these girls so awkward? And why do they have stickers on their faces?  They must have been poorly behaved, hence the 'bitter' label.  I believe who ever doled out these stickers was showing favoritism - or is really trying to mindfuck with these kids by destroying their self-esteems and falsely boosting the self-esteem of the other.

It has already been decided by many that I am going to be in the running for bitchiest mom 2026, and this seems like the perfect way to punish my future offspring - both cruelly and unusually.

Now I know you are all dying to know about the man in the faux-foliage loin cloth.  What else is there possibly to know?  He appears to be some kind of performance artist - good for him for earning some cash by exposing impressionable kids to art instead of giving them meth in exchange for their allowance.
He may also be saving money by neither cutting his hair nor getting fake tans.
If I had that sexy bod, I'd walk around in some fruit-of-the-loom too.  Dude's got the flat belly that my free pilates instructor on youtube keeps telling me I can get, in just 2-3 weeks but I still am not seeing results.  Daniel Tosh can take a few tips from this guy, because I think he's still using the same instructor I am.

And his hair is still the best out of all four of them because he is the only one with curls.  I can't award him with best beard because none of the girls are of age yet to grow one, but he technically wins by default.

When I need some cash or to find my nirvanna, look for me - I'll be the chick wearing a knitted bikini, offering lessons for money.


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