He's Not All There

You've all heard about 'I'm Still Here' a mockumentary about Joaquin Phoenix's existance (coming out this Friday, expect a crowd). I'm game for anything Joaquin, except for that movie with Gwyneth Paltrow. That was just plain awful. You probably are thinking, 'She must be relieved then that is was only a mockumentary and he wasn't serious about this rapping stuff'. Well, that's where you'd be wrong my friend. I was actually extremely okay with weirdo Joaquin. If he wanted to wear an EZ Comb in his hair, that's cool with me. And now I lament over the days when he had his EPIC beard. Let us revisit.

This beard has been hated on by a lot of people so I'm going to show the world how truly beautiful it is. It's really just an artistic extension of his hair or his eyebrow. And it's INCREDIBLY flavorful - burly Joaquin can ditch clean-shaven Joaquin's murse. That beard can hold keys easily, if not a wallet as well. It's also environmentally friendly because it saves on napkins. The best part is that his upper-lip is fully engulfed by said beard. And one the many rules of facial hair is that no upper lip = high quality mustache/beard. Just one of the facts of life.

Oh, and I'm a mountaintop, water-drop.

-bruiser