This Is Not News

Everyone freaked out recently that Troy Polamalu has insured his luscious locks for $1 million. And this is not news because hair IS MONEY. If you are like me and Troy here, your hair might be worth $1 million [hence the adjective luscious]. If not, maybe its worth the $200 wig makers are willing to pay you for it.

The dude hasn't cut it in years which is a good move. He has curly hair, no one can tell if you have split ends or not. But I question the ownership of his hair at this very moment (or even as long ago as last sunday) because look who walked into the VMAs with the same hair(do?)

That's my gurl Cher. And who the fuck is trying to touch her ass? Dear Sir, she is not interested. So perhaps Cher raised his $1 million for a new wig. It's possible, if not probable. Cher deals only with the highest-quality hair - no half-breed shit.

Back to Troy. He is the spokesperson for Head and Shoulders. Who is the marketing genius that thought that combo up? They probably came up with the idea of using models with big boobs for Victoria's Secret too. I wonder what walking around with an afro would be like. And Troy, man he takes it to another level. It's OBESE. He probably needs to turn his neck to see anything. This guy can't get a concussion his hair is so thick. I wonder if he takes prenatal supplements?

Hey Troy - Nice Hair.

-bruiser