This Is News

So I'm not a fan of the news...the media blows things out of proportion and causes stress to everyone who watches it. Plus none of it is ever relevant or remotely exciting. I have better things to do with my time. So apparently everyone else in the world knows about the Koran burning sensation thats jiving the nation. Except me. Now I know, from my love of viral videos. And the fact that this kid I met on a walk was talking about the 'guy with the awesome mustache burning the Koran'. And apparently that man is Terry Jones.

This dude was preachin' the truth: Terry Jones does have an awesome mustache. Fact.

There is just so much going on here. First the excellent salty handlebar mustache. Then the facial hair parenthesis he's got going on. Next, he probably needs to cut his hair more neatly before going to media events. Otherwise, excellent aging on his part. It shows experience, but not a whole lot of tanning in his hayday. Which is probably just from botox.

Not only do I have better things to do than watch/read the news, I also don't have time to check facts that I might have skimmed over while looking for pics. So appurantly this guy did nawt go through with the Koran burning like he does every year because of the spectacle he turned it into. Naturally this is all due to his 'stache. Any high-quality mustache is enough to make people offend both race and religion (see: Adolf Hitler).

So this shit caught on like a good-sized religious book fire. And every one was under the spell of the stache. Except for this guy in Texas. He cannot fall under the spell of a good mustache because hes a hipster and thats ironic.

Jacob Isom rescued the Koran from an unholy toasting grabbing it from a bbq. Nice. Since hipster mustaches don't count, we can't really discuss it, but he does have a rattail. Which makes me want to give him a high-five. Way to look like an idiot and ruin a protest. Isom is the greatest hipster alive.

-bruiser