Friday, October 8, 2010

Jakey Gyllenhaal

So Jake Gyllenhaal REALLY likes his facial hair. A lot. And by that I mean that I can't name any other movie besides Donnie Darko in which he is not sporting facial hair. Bubble boy?

And thank Gawd for his love of facial hair. 'Cause Power-Stache loves him (and by Power-Stache I mean me. It's a personal preference).

I'm not going to beat you with in-depth analysis of Gyllenhaal beards and I'll just update you on his current stateus.

View the hair - who is this man's stylist? Antoine Dodson? 'Cause that shit looks Noicce!!! That hair is Angel-Soft. Whereas the beard is Brawny strong (clearly.) Everyone is nagging on him for being a lumberjack. Does anyone even know what a lumberjack looks like? 1 - the wear plaid. So he's clearly not a lumberjack. 2 - they have hair thats straight-up gnasty. 3 - they don't know what conditioner is. Jake is not a lumberjack.

I think the beard makes him looks cuddly [I'm not the only person who thinks in this manner - someone in my writing class evaluated my professor and commented that his beard made him seem 'nice'.] Cuddly like Corduroy. I mean, the man clearly isn't exerting his dominance over anyone. So trying to reel in the ladies with his masculine beard is probably the best answer. They love his green overalls.

Dear Jake - here is formal notice that your hair and I are in a relationship. It's as close as I can get to 'facebook official'.


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